Alan Brazil's 'There's An Awful Lot of Bubbly in Brazil' (ft. Beef and Dairy Network's Ben Partridge)

[00:00:00] Alan Brazil, X-Cottis Striker and Breakfast Show Broadcasting Behemoth. Play for it, Switch, Spurs, Man United and Chaps of City, Huge. One, two UFO Cups and F.A. Cups, Played for Scotland at the 82 World Cup, Talksport, Tallah's Band for over 20 years. The only footballer we have covered

[00:00:21] who has their own brand of nuts, plus author. But what will the book club and special guest, podcasting hero Ben Partridge? Think of Alan's book, There's an Awful Lot of Bubbly in Brazil. Find out in today's Football Book Club. He's got the life of a kind of shape,

[00:00:35] but he's just on talksport. It's like fear and loading in Las Vegas, but set it in around it, Switch. Why have I wasted 200 pages hearing a story of supposedly in which Mike Hawkey Perry got drunk and asked a 20 year old

[00:00:46] Latvian woman to marry him? It's Brazil and Hawkey telling those cuts for it, terrorists. You don't frighten us a summer? Why'd all this was going on? When Palestine picks up my 250 pound Feltip pen when I haven't seen it since.

[00:00:58] Hello and welcome to Football Book Club, The Only Book Club, where instead of literary classics each episode, we read another footballer's autobiography, Less Jules Burn, more T-Moveurner. Once again, I'm going to check someone under the bus for that. Thank you very much,

[00:01:27] a taxi Smith, presenting that taxi. That's not a name you hear. That's a good name. Should have involved taxi, taxi and the thing itself. Less taxi Smith, more... James Smith. It's hard! It's hard to the last time.

[00:01:41] It's very, very difficult. I'm James Vogue and over the weeks we'll be reading such classics as Graham Lasso's Letfield and Francis Bernal Lee, The Autobiography. But today, we're stepping into the Alambrazile Multiverse, reading his first book, The 2000s, it's classic. There's an awful lot of bubbly

[00:01:58] in Brazil, hyphen, the life and times of a bomb for the... It's the title of the keeps on going. And joining me to read it, our Jack Bernhardt, hello and please welcome to show a brilliant comedian and writer as well as podcasting

[00:02:12] royalty. It's Mr. Beef and Dairy Network himself and one of the three bean salad beans. Ben Parteridge. How are you? I'm very well. Thank you for having me on the show. And is it...

[00:02:27] I may be pulling back the wizard's curtain a bit to say that when I was asked to be on the show, you gave me a short list of possible books we could go for. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if that's giving away there.

[00:02:38] No, no, please do. And Alambrazile was on there and I just couldn't look past Alambrazile. Yeah, I'm sorry about it. Yeah, I mean, like the others also seem like they might be quite good fun but there was something about the name...

[00:02:50] I mean, before we get... we got any further. We got a look at it. What I want to say is what often gets lost with Alambrazile because he's become a kind of figure of fun in some ways. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:03:01] There's a lot to consider when you think about Alambrazile. And I think that what gets lost in the conversation is the fact that his name is Alambrazile. It's sure. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very easy to overlook. It really is.

[00:03:16] I mean, he's got a Monty Python name in real life. Yep. And he kind of looks a bit Monty Pythony as well, a little bit like that. Yeah.

[00:03:25] But I think because there are so many facets to Alambrazile but the fact that he's called Alambrazile just is one of many. People look past it. But we do fundamentally, we are fundamentally talking here about a Scottish man called Alambrazile. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:03:39] Not to cross the stream too much. It's quite a beef and dairy name. It feels like Alambrazile. What is like it? It's the absurdist comedy name, isn't it? It's just a comedy, it's the renouncing name. I thought we were going to pick up Alambrazile for today.

[00:03:53] I did not think his name was going to be like, I think it's a good place to start because it's the first thing you know about the man. He's called Alambrazile. It's true. Well, talking about the start actually.

[00:04:02] I've been, again, this is pulling that curtain away further back. I think I'm fairly sure I asked you four years ago to be our first ever guest in the first episode of football book club. Right. But then we kind of, I should say we change our minds.

[00:04:18] We're not sure if we couldn't do it for some reason and then you and I Jack are kind of okay. Well, because I think we were touring with the idea of always having guests at that point.

[00:04:25] And then we said, ah, we're just, we're just the reader of the books. We can't put people through that. And that four years later, he, you are.

[00:04:33] And actually, you're actually, I think you did ask me to do this quite a long time ago and then for lots of reasons I couldn't do it. And he, sort of the book there's an awful lot of bubbly and Brazil has been sitting next to my bed now.

[00:04:45] Right? Yeah. Six months. So every time I fall in the sleep or walk an hour in the last six months, the first thing I've seen at the words, there's an awful lot of bubbly and Brazil. Beautiful. And it's kind of been hanging over me really. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:04:57] That's good. That's good. We like to do that. I will reveal. And this must be the case with most of our guests. I finished reading it 10 minutes ago. Yeah. Like I was probably finished it. I was cramming it like it was my English GCSE was coming tomorrow.

[00:05:12] Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. It became very joyless, it became very functional. I just have to read these words. Have you read many footballers books before? I'm trying to think whether I have. I've read a few rugby or to bographies. Gavin Henson's one very good.

[00:05:29] Okay. Like actually good or this level good? No, like kind of very much in the middle of your podcast. Okay. Okay. Okay. Sometimes you don't want them to be good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But no, not really. I'm trying to think. Mainly rugby books really.

[00:05:46] Which is kind of revealing a little bit about my sporting preferences. But I'm presenting more than just a footballer. Yes. Yes. Yes. Bro casting icon. I think there's a lot. It's interesting you say that it was in by your bed for six months because these all these books.

[00:06:07] I have a shelf now of just some of the worst books to have been written and they do just hang over me while I write. And I'm like, well, that's this is the choice you've made Jack. There's nothing you can do about it.

[00:06:17] But also I think I think for a man whose name is Alan Brazil. The title being there's a lot of bubbly in Brazil. I don't think makes any sense. Yes. As a as a line, as a as a pun name, but it just doesn't work. Wasn't that amazing?

[00:06:35] It's the joke that there's a lot of champagne in Brazil. Yeah. I guess they can treat Brazil. Maybe you don't think of Brazil as being a country which is known for champagne. But in fact, there's an awful lot of bubbly in Brazil.

[00:06:46] And then it works on the other level of him constantly drinking champagne. That's pretty interesting. Well, to the point where it can't be enjoyable. This might be premature but can I skip to the last sentence of the book?

[00:07:02] Yeah, that'd be the quickest episode we ever done. So please do. I have to revisit it. But I think it's a good place to end because similarly, I don't think the name really works. It's a kind of pan on the fact that you like champagne.

[00:07:13] But it's not as if the phrase as a lot of bubbly in Brazil exists as a party. No, that's what I mean. Yeah.

[00:07:19] So anyway, at the end of the book because also all the way through I was waiting for the phrase that a lot of bubbly in Brazil to come out. Like someone might, I was thinking somebody might say it to him as a joke or something.

[00:07:31] And then that would make sense to me. But it doesn't come until the last paragraph and he talks about how not only has he been a really good footballer. He's also a really good broadcaster.

[00:07:41] And he writes, and realizing that, I know even more grateful for the life I have had. Most people don't reach particularly great heights in their first and usually only career. I've been lucky enough to make my mark in both footballing and broadcasting.

[00:07:54] There has indeed been an awful lot of bubbly in Brazil. This time all, if we hadn't given you the extra half hour to read the book, you would never have known that that was there. That's true. You had been totally lost by this book.

[00:08:12] But there has indeed been an awful lot of bubbly in Brazil. Doesn't relate to what he's just said. No, that doesn't relate to what he's just said. Yeah, it's very much, I get the feeling that he wrote this book.

[00:08:23] He wrote to the words that hasn't indeed been an awful lot of bubbly in Brazil. Like pressed return return return return return return return return. Yeah, yeah. And we're the rest of the book and then was like, there we go. It's not the last line. That's fine.

[00:08:34] That works. I've got to get it in there somewhere. They felt it felt like a little bit that you were expecting there to be a story where he's in Brazil. And they're like, hey, Germany champagne. And they're like, oh, don't serve champagne here actually. He's like, that's surprising.

[00:08:49] I really thought there'd be an, you know, there'd be at least some bubbly in Brazil. And then later on he says, country to what that person said while I was in Brazil. There is actually an awful lot of bubbly in Brazil.

[00:09:01] I think that's the only way I could have possibly justified this title. Right. That's, that's simply by the amount of digging into the title we've been saying. I'm kind of worried this episode is going to go for a month.

[00:09:14] So we've already got that we got the final line down. That's fine. That's true. Yeah, we got the first and last line of the whole thing of the book as itself. Yeah, well, he's got a bend and read this book.

[00:09:26] He's on every thread that title in the last line. That's not the only thing that just might think to do. That's going to it. Let's read what's it going to bring your attention to the quotes on the front of the book. I get into the book.

[00:09:39] I get into the book. Let's read an awful lot of bubbly in Brazil. So over the show, we're going to be getting to know Alan and Ben. There's a quiz and a dramatic reading. Oh, so Alan, he got me calling him Alan.

[00:09:54] Doesn't sound, he doesn't sound like an Alan blinds up. You have to say Alan Brazil, I think, don't use a real Brazil. He's a two-namer. Anyway, first let's see what Amazon is saying about his book.

[00:10:04] It has 4.2 stars from 172 ratings, including this five star review from Mr. D.D. J. Horseman, Review titled all caps. Very enter space S space ironing. I thought that would be a good one. I thought that would be a good one.

[00:10:35] That review took a left turn at the last second. The book was great. It adds me laughing. Good read. I read another book on the same subject. Excellent. No, no, a concentration in there whatsoever. I've good news for you. On the same subject. The subject of Alan Brazil.

[00:10:49] Yeah, well, good news. There's two other books. There's two other books. Like you said, could you direct me to the Alan Brazil section of your bookshop? Well, I enjoyed the book. Yeah, books in the genre of Alan Brazil. Yeah, I like sort of historical fiction. I like

[00:11:15] Brog fees of Prime Minister's and President's. And also books specifically about Alan Brazil. Do you know the names of these other two books? I think I know. I mean, surely there's one involving nuts. Is it something to be nuts as a pun? Actually, no.

[00:11:34] I don't think that's mad. I know you're okay. That don't. I don't. I book for him. Sure is imminent. They're called both barrels from Brazil. High fun. My war on the nump teasers. I can't. I can't. She was that one. And his most recent autobiography.

[00:11:50] Only here through visits. I think that's also got some subtitle. But I can't. But it is. He does say that in this book. Yeah, he does. I'm hiding philosophy. I would say all of his books are probably pretty rehashed versions of the last. That's just no assumption.

[00:12:06] That's just no sense. Just the theory. That's a real fair answer. That's a real fair answer. That's an almost no. But that doesn't work. It's a literal, at least. Yes. I guess bubbly is a literal. But yeah. The next one is called book by Brazil.

[00:12:20] Yeah, there is indeed an awful lot of book by Brazil. Right, what did you think about it anyway? Well, we know what Mr. Horseman thinks of it. I mean, guys enjoy it. So my general feeling on it was

[00:12:40] that before I opened it, I thought it might be quite good. Okay, like with a lot of these bug fees, like the prospect of reading, I don't know. I don't know if you've read Steve McMahon is all to bug free.

[00:12:52] Like, that's not a attempt. You may be about the only football who's bug we haven't read. I don't know. That's quite impressive. Dealing with that. They're not tempting to me particularly. Yeah, this one, I thought, okay.

[00:13:04] Because it feels like it's not necessarily just going to be a bug for each horse. We're going to have a kind of Clarksony humorist edge to it. Exactly. If he pulls that off, I don't mind that kind of thing.

[00:13:16] And I think he is trying to pull that off. And as I was reading it, I was like, these stories that I'm getting should be fun. You know, they're kind of fun if you just break the nine to their facts.

[00:13:29] They are fun. I guess we'll get into some of the story details. Because they're kind of just like bullshit, pub stories basically. They're whole bunch. Yes. Yeah. But it's not, it's not fun at all and I can't work them. Why?

[00:13:40] To tell what I mean, it's fun adjacent. I think that's the thing. It's all look like it's like, oh, as you say, it could be fun. And also like there's just a level of,

[00:13:50] there's a level of malice throughout the whole thing as well. Which is kind of an undertone at the whole way that makes the whole thing look unfun at the front. Yeah. It's like someone at university telling you about their night out last night.

[00:14:04] And like, you're just totally uninterested in everything. Okay. Yeah. I'm right. Yeah. All right. You drank a bit. Okay. Cool. Yeah. Great. My onto his best friend being called porkey.

[00:14:14] Well, Paul. I was going to say, I mean, this book really if I had to sum it up in one sentence. Yeah. I wouldn't use the one they've gone for, which is the life and times were bond with

[00:14:23] it. I would go for the sentence. It essentially, it's a love story between yes Alan Brazil and his co-presenter porkey. He might just like, I'm a married prick. Okay. That is, I got, I also got that impression from there. Yeah.

[00:14:39] Well, it's interesting because it's sort of, I think Alan is like, yeah. You know, you know, porkey. He's a prick. But he's a level prick as a day and you're certainly really

[00:14:46] being like, no, he's just a prick. He can't really see the fact that he's like nothing that none of the redeeming factors that Alan seems to see in porkey are actually redeeming factors.

[00:14:56] They're just terrible. The thing about porkey is he is a co-writer. Are you aware that he's a co-writer of this book? Yes. Yes. Which makes me very confused about the whole thing. Awesome. Because I think you can feel porkey's hand on certain chapters.

[00:15:10] Interesting. The more bullshit he wants. And then the ones that inevitably end up with him, like having sex with a beautiful woman. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, we're just flock around him in any chapter. Yeah. Constantly. So you can tell when Mike Paris had a, you know, Mike porkey

[00:15:28] Paris has had his hands on it because then later on there's some other chapters which are a bit more about, you know, his time playing football for it. So where I don't think Mike Paris

[00:15:37] has been involved in that bit. Yeah. It's too, but it's an old testament to a new testament, really. Well, I think this is a good moment to bring up something then in which case,

[00:15:47] because that is definitely true. The book does have a very distinct first half to it and a second half to it. Because you have these several chapters of pure, you know, fear and low thing light

[00:15:59] which is kind of what that is. I want the first 140 pages are. It's like fear and low thing in last week, because but set in it's in around it, switch basically is a, how the verse is. And then

[00:16:10] there's something which we should mention in there. It's just very, very serious. And it's something which Alan has spoken about previously. It is well documented. He talked about it a lot that yeah, Alan does mention how when he was a young footballer, he was abused by a coach.

[00:16:25] It's only in a short chapter and it's actually is really, really well-wyrton. We weren't developing it because it is only a small part of the book, but it does really feel like a real

[00:16:36] middle point. It kind of comes up nowhere. This harring really well written chapter, really honest chapter as well about it. And then from there on, even though there are some nonsense bits in there,

[00:16:47] it is a lot more honest things about how he dealt with his injuries and when he wasn't playing at United and Spurs and stuff like that. It becomes a lot more, well it comes a lot better.

[00:16:58] As always, he doesn't have to pretend to be the Alan Brazil of Talksport and Sheltoner and Booze in with Mike Perry. He writes about it very well. And I think he says as much,

[00:17:11] he sort of likes to talk about it so that it's made public and these things are made public. He's doing it on purpose because he thinks that these things need to be out in the open,

[00:17:20] which is absolutely correct. As you say, for the first time, he writes honestly about his feelings and what he was doing and how that affected him. And you just think why if I waste 200 pages

[00:17:31] hearing a story about it supposedly in which Mike Porkey Perry has got drunk and asked a 20-year-old Latvian woman to marry him. What? Yes! Why? They go back to the same wine by the next day

[00:17:44] and her entire family of this celebrating this upcoming marriage, which he has no memory of of sort of instigating. There is absolutely no way that story happened by the time. Of course! Of course! Yeah, which leads to Alan Brazil essentially having a kind of James Bond-style fistfight

[00:17:59] with a number of Latvian kind of thugs. It's such a nice choice. This is what I mean by the fear and loathing style. It really is like they're apart from you know, take out the drugs of fear

[00:18:11] and loathing in replace it with like hospitality booze. Especially other way through it. At Switchman easier del Toro for Mike Perry. And there's even like a race at the beginning. There's even a race at the beginning. It starts off at Shelton and doesn't have the whole thing

[00:18:23] where he got sacked from talk spot the first time because he got too drunk and didn't turn up the next day. Yeah, and for loathing they're also cataloging some race. I can't believe what it is, I should remember.

[00:18:34] Yeah. The thing that I noticed reading the stories was that in every story he sort of comes out on top, which is a bit of an autobiography thing. He's always manages to sort of everything out.

[00:18:47] We actually make the stories all the more boring because they all finish with and it was fine. Every story ends up, it was fine. And it's always because he is able to do something

[00:18:59] physically amazing. So like he all, there's a story at the end about how he, his reactions are so quick that he was able to get under a table before anyone else and then no big notice he was there.

[00:19:09] That was weird. That's thought yeah. But he describes these kinds of, he describes these kind of amazing physical capabilities to himself. Yeah, which I'm not sure exists. But then they're also midway through at the end. He's like, I had to stop playing because my back was absolutely

[00:19:25] ruined. Like a barely like brush my teeth without being in physical pain. And yet like he was fighting off these Latvian thugs who were with threatening porcupine. It's like it doesn't, it just doesn't feel real. That's the problem with the whole thing. Nothing feels real in that.

[00:19:42] Nothing is. And there are so many close calls like that throughout the book. Like there's a bit where he almost dies skiing. There's a bit where he almost dies on a horse that runs away. I genuinely

[00:19:53] thought he was going to turn up on like the Titan sub at some point or something like that. Just about get away with it. So here's a quote, I put my full palm into the Latvian's face

[00:20:03] and pushed him hard enough to propel him over a chair. It's all just stuff like that. But also like it ends with him. Like that whole section ends with him saying like they, they dive into a

[00:20:15] into a taxi like they get, they pop open the champagne because it's always fucking champagne. Yeah. He can't help but there's always someone thrusting a bottle into his hand. But he says

[00:20:25] as they were drinking, they were drinking champagne at clarrages at the end and they were talking about this. As we raised our glasses, I lent over to Porcupian told him. Next time you call off your engagement

[00:20:34] to an amadaligre immigrant who looks like she could have been kickboxing champion and his family closer to resemble the gangs in New York. You're on your own. No fucking way did you say that you

[00:20:44] shoot him. And you, there were porrises on all the lines of champagne please, more please. Fucking hell, pocket. Fucking hell, be really done at this time, pocket. That was a good impression. That was a good impression of him. The whole book is very much

[00:21:03] didn't happen over the year award. Kind of a start. Everything is, he tells the exact same story again. But this time it's not Latvian thugs. It's some people who are like, it's like Simon Jordan's brother.

[00:21:17] And I'm also a ceremony at Crystal Palace or something. Okay, so in the woods, Emily, Crystal Palace and they tell it, Porcupians things are satirical song about the chairman. And then as a result, the heavies take them to a boardroom where they're going to get duffed up.

[00:21:30] And then it's similarly again, like he James Bond's his way out of it and they just sort of walk away or the heavies are like, yeah, sorry. You're right. You're much cooler than that guy.

[00:21:41] Like, I wish we'd now have to work for this guy, but we do. He's such a dick. There are so many moments of things like that, Jack, where the people around them have clearly

[00:21:50] not said that it's about a genola's book that we did with the developers like it's only will come up to us like, yeah, you are great David actually. You proved to us now that it's you

[00:21:58] who's better than us. But there's another bit where they want to play in with some real stiff guy who doesn't like them. Just booze it and being horrible next to a brooding his flight

[00:22:09] to America, whatever it is. And then he's just a flight where they claim they drank the plane dry before it had taken up. Yes, because it was it was it was to niece so it was only like an

[00:22:19] hour and a half and they were like, we got a drink and the trolley's not going to get down to us before the end of the year. They're just just chill out man. You're okay. You know,

[00:22:27] answering constantly exactly and then the guy next there does need to drink on that's true. Yeah, he went up again. That's the heavy subtext of his whole book. Thank you. That's a good point. I've always liked this guy. They take I think at some point

[00:22:40] that the plane's landing and porcupies holding a glass of wine and then the plane vies to the left suddenly. I don't think you can't have a plane. And the wine goes all over

[00:22:50] all over the evangelist faces he calls and his mouth was opening closing like a fish but nothing was coming out. Everybody burst out laughing. There's so many moments where it was like and then after I said that everyone was clapping and laughing and cheering us on and saying,

[00:23:04] well done Alan. That was great. Everyone was happy that the man had been covered in wine. The man who was clearly upset had been covered. Everyone loved it. Everyone said it was best to the people who made everyone upset and scared during the flight.

[00:23:20] Talking a porcupie. Sorry, I'm assuming you guys are assuming of seeing the video of Mike Perry doing the cinnamon challenge. Yes, that was all I knew about Mike Perry. Before I read this book. Yes, I had to remind myself that it was that I haven't imagined it today.

[00:23:36] I watched it three or four times at a row. The grunting and the noises. The fact that he says keeps saying threat like, it's not going to cause me pain. I've been through a lot of pain in my life and I can handle this pain.

[00:23:48] Yes, that's it. I don't understand. I'm sorry, Jack sorry. I'm just I don't understand how Mike Perry has come into existence. I just that's all. That's like it. I was going to say what he in my head occupies a kind of

[00:24:03] what I would call the Nick Ferrari zone is like a few of these guys are kind of the same. John Gant being another one. Nick Ferrari Mike someone else.

[00:24:15] Yeah, yeah, my great guy. The gun and I'd say on the more the more the more rational side of that is like Eandale but then occasionally Eandale. If you told the Eandale had done the cinnamon challenge,

[00:24:29] I'll be like, yeah, I believe that shows. See, I put in more and with like the kind of like commentators you see on those like talking head shares like a pool Ross kind of character.

[00:24:38] Yeah, that's more the kind of world I think of Mike Perry as did they ever talk about here how Mike and him came to be or came to came to Alan came to like work together.

[00:24:49] I think he was doing talk radio wasn't he but always got what was it called talk radio before. He was his boss at talk sport he says. Right and then what Mike then sort of like muscle

[00:24:59] in on the and then became a co-host. Yeah, like kind of Carl Pilkington style. Yeah, yeah, this guy's so hilarious we've got to get him on. We've got to get him on.

[00:25:12] He keeps trying to marry ladvians. In a similar in a similar vein to the how I only knew about Paul Kee through the cinnamon challenge video which if you haven't watched it go and find it.

[00:25:25] Definitely. Is my first exposure to Alan Brazil was the video that's on YouTube which is just what's the audio version of footage? A recording? Yeah, the recording. Yeah, I'll take he's on the breakfast show if you heard this and he's talking to a correspondent who the previous

[00:25:45] night has been to a memorial sort of gig for Bob Munkhaus. You were at this? No, I don't know. This is fantastic. Oh, I do know this. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[00:25:57] And I think the guy's talking to is Trevor, I can't remember his second name but he used to write for the son and he'd been to this thing for Bob Munkhaus and he's like yeah it was brilliant. Obviously

[00:26:09] they showed videos of Bob doing some his best stuff and I was laughing and had these wonderful comedians who used to work with him and they came out and we were really funny. And then there's

[00:26:16] a new comedians were there as well and they were saying about how much they respect Bob Munkhaus and it was amazing just to watch how many people were expected Bob Munkhaus and and then after a bit of a gap Alan Brazil discuss goes, how's he doing these days?

[00:26:29] Yeah, I'm joking. Level of attention to detail. Oh, he's actually going to say well oh he died, oh he died and then he tries to save it and in Brazil just starts making

[00:26:52] little noise like we'd up noises and then just goes you know I'd heard something different but yeah okay maybe you think he's dead I'd heard otherwise but no well we're going to greet a disagree. That's almost like bearing into conspiracy theory territory. But Munkhaus on

[00:27:13] nylon with two pack. Can I read out another bit of showing off from Alan Brazil I really love the place so this is when they go to the there's a crystal palace charity event or something

[00:27:25] and there's a they're at the meal and it's before they've been taken into the chairman's office to be duffed up. Paul Kianai clearly had popular support amongst the palace fans. Throughout the course of the meal they cudet our table, the top table asking us to sign their

[00:27:43] menus and we pose for dozens of pictures and spoke to rentives on mobile phones. While all this was going on when palace fan picks up my 250 pound felt tip pen and I haven't seen it since.

[00:27:56] That is terrific. That is that is a pro if someone hasn't got there for their out of context Alan Brazil I'll be amazed. Yeah that's the crime out of context folder. I mean someone's doing very

[00:28:08] well from the sales. Yeah. Wow. It's a £400 crayon. Yeah you can't buy a felt tip pen that's which I think. Yeah I agree way you can buy every felt tip pen in the world for less than £200.

[00:28:21] Does he mean like a magic like a permanent marker? Sorry that's not the right. That's not the right. There are a lot of the fans in panel or something isn't it? Yeah possibly.

[00:28:33] I will just like a really fancy permanent marker. This isn't so much him showing off but I must applaud Alan for his ability to get out of anything with it's just an observation. No matter how offensive the thing is. There's quite a xenophobic. It's just an observation.

[00:28:56] And just truly nasty. It's so occasionally there's a very good America which I think Jack will talk about later and he says we went out to the track in a luxurious bus and naturally there was plenty

[00:29:08] champagne flowing of course. Every paragraph has that in there somewhere. It was being served by collection of very lovely young ladies. The more times I go to America the more often it strikes

[00:29:17] me that many women in England do not like ourselves as well as most girls in the states. Then he goes and say like my wife Jill she's always a macular whenever we go out as my daughter's

[00:29:26] but that to my eyes least is not always the case with much the female population in this country. American girls just seem to have white teeth with broader smells and better style of hair.

[00:29:34] Brackets I hope I don't find myself suddenly under attack for saying that. It's just an observation. Just an observation. Just something I've observed about 30 million people in the UK. It's just something I've observed. That also touched on something which I sort of found

[00:29:52] throughout the book which is that Alan's really horny. He's a horny man. There's one bit in the same breath he's talking about how he said a ski resort and his wife Jill is there. He obviously loves and he says that Jill's looking great or something.

[00:30:08] Then he writes about half a page about just looking at the 20 year old women who are going down the slope. Yes. There's a similar bit when he's like the greatest thing that could

[00:30:20] happen to me is the football who is going to a world cup. He's loving everything about being there is brilliant. Everything's fantastic. He's in Brazil somewhere. I can't think of that as well. It is Brazil. It's playing against the snow. It's playing against the snow.

[00:30:35] It's playing. That's it. He's going to finally my career reach this point. I can't do them actually here. It was great to look at all the beautiful Brazilian women wandering around. I'm afraid in there this. That was a real highlight. The absolute cup game.

[00:30:52] Like beauty queens with copper colored skin, dark hair and flashing green eyes. They're wearing what appeared to be the national costume of their country. Skinpy bikini tops and wraparan scouts in blue, yellow and green. It's so carry on. It's a weird thing because I think

[00:31:10] Allen is horribly horny throughout this book. They're often he'll try and put that on Mike. And I'm not saying that Mike deserves anyone any kind of like benefit the doubt for being a horrible

[00:31:21] horny guy. But there is a bit where he's like Mike got really like he I can't be who he was talking to. Someone for East Enders, I think it was. He took someone for East Enders who has apparently massive breasts and like Mike spends the whole interview guy.

[00:31:39] He just can't like quantify the idea that there is a woman here with massive breasts. He goes full cinnamon challenge. I'm in need to cut the audio and play that after that. The question that arises for me out of this book. So as you've mentioned, every time basically

[00:32:05] every page you go straight from wine bar and orders a bottle of champagne. Now I've never ordered champagne in a wine bar or even in a pub. I've had champagne obviously at events. I've had bottles at home, I bought from the supermarket. I've never bought one in

[00:32:18] a pub because I always assume it's about 200 pounds or something like it's always going to be an insane amount of money. And maybe I would do it, you know, if I was celebrating I still

[00:32:28] know I actually wouldn't. I was trying I was trying you could see me there trying to find some common brand ground with Amazon. I can't find it. But I think that the question that

[00:32:37] arises for me is how much money is Allen and Brazil got because he was a footballer before megabucks times, right? Yeah. So he wasn't absolutely, you know, he was earning good money but

[00:32:48] he wasn't insane money. No, but literally just on champagne alone on it if you totted up the match on paying his book and then tried to average it out over a year or something. He must be getting

[00:33:00] through like 20 grand a year in champagne. Yeah, I think it won't be more than that. I think a lot of it is hospitality stuff. I think he's been given a lot of these things and they do tend to be events

[00:33:11] where he's obviously making a lot of money through talksport and guessing and other things. That's the thing I was like you don't make this much money. He talks about how he spends a lot

[00:33:18] of time in May fair. There's a bit where he goes into Clarages and the Metra-D recognizes him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got the life of the kind of shake. Yes. But he's just on talksport which surely isn't like megabucks is it? I think I mean, I mean,

[00:33:36] I think you're like megabucks are such but there we, you know, it's not enough to have a champagne budget. Let's be honest. He's got the nut in come coming in as well. Yeah, that's not this is

[00:33:49] going to put where he's like oh the the the the wine bar really happy to see us because we had like drunk them out of the seven-year-unblock the night before and they had to go and get more from

[00:33:58] another place. Like I either that's a joke or like is he is he sort of drinking these places for diplomacy like because later on Houston ply like people then like barged down the door and all the

[00:34:10] all the waiters kind of defended Alan is he kind of just going to bars drinking up a lot so that when that when inevitably someone comes to beat up Alan Brazil he can he can rely on

[00:34:23] all the way to the Eastmobile. Yeah, yeah, so he's sort of saving on like hospital bills. I guess. I guess smart. Yeah everyone will flock to his defense if you ever does anything too bad.

[00:34:33] I could. Yeah, well the wine bars of London will rise up. It's yeah, I did. I was spending a lot of the book thinking that as well and the idea that and I think that also matches in with this idea

[00:34:45] that when Alan Brazil was fired from talk sport for I guess it would have been a week that there was that London was close to a standstill like the idea that the taxis refused to drive

[00:35:00] like there were people just like pounding like parry through the streets begging Alan Brazil to return. But I have no memory of that is that is that something you guys remember this controversy?

[00:35:10] Yeah, I feel like I'm a bit young but I definitely wasn't you know 28 days later style and everything didn't relate to something switch or stop but I do think talk sport especially around them was probably very well listened to. Yeah, even though there's a certain part of

[00:35:26] there's a big listening population who do listen to talk sport and talk radio in general. So I do think he has he probably did make a big impact on that and I can't be with a replacement with

[00:35:36] for a while but he's replaced by a guy and you have to correct me if you can remember this who owns a radio station in Jersey or call a lot somewhere yeah yeah and he took with some or

[00:35:51] Spain yeah that sounds it all right yeah but the way he describes him is as like he's a real mover and shake at this guy and you're like doesn't sound like he is because he's yeah yeah he's

[00:36:02] this guy's already on top of like exactly yeah he's in the same like a big deal and then there's a funny bit later on where he says to Mike Perry saying oh we've got to get you back

[00:36:10] we've got to get you back Alan and go so a high-smart placement doing and Mike Perry's like no no to be fair he's really brilliant he's amazing but he's going to take about two years to

[00:36:19] bed in and we don't have that time why do you think it is two years what was he's either good he's one of those two year bedders of the underbit and it's a previously been our Spanish

[00:36:36] correspondent based in Mabella where he had his a share in a little coastal radio station that Ed Jimmy Young type programs for the expat British community you're right that is not

[00:36:47] yeah that is yeah I level high flyer high flying guy as everyone got in our context and I'm a resilient for me please yeah so that I mean as we've said they're almost every page has

[00:36:59] got a good one on but I think kind is it kind of say two that are on the same subject yeah sure yes you're a guest why not these are two sentences from the same page

[00:37:11] I hated terrorists and all that they stood for yep yep yep yep and then my follow up is I've been trying for some time to figure out what I could do is an individual to hit back against

[00:37:24] the terrorists I literally texted both of those to James when I read them so it is one of the funniest things anyone has ever written in these books oh I had kind of a button and by that point

[00:37:38] I was like oh and like why did he mention that I can't I think that might give us a bit of an insight into why he mentions that later but it's still so funny I mean it's better in context because

[00:37:47] the context is mad yeah yeah it is it's phenomenal yeah I think Jack you will you will give us that I got I've got a game I mean there's a lot to talk about with that one but yeah yeah

[00:38:00] I've got one which I think might be the best thing I think this might my favorite out of context for a while it's jockies sometimes just tiny little men but among the hardest I've ever come across

[00:38:13] that is a great one sometimes sometimes you're gonna get a jocky that's just a tiny little man but sometimes more always hard view of wood is a good shit my one it's just an example of some fun harmless football banter

[00:38:33] again this is at the world got 82 Scott and V. Russia I'm giving a lot of context for out of context it was reputed to be a brutal regime and our labs were taunting their players with things like

[00:38:42] it's back to the sort mine's view tonight pal after he's well-educated yet coming tosser it's not a gentle banter gentle football banter it's also coming tosser so what it's so

[00:38:55] worthy to say to someone on the foot of it just you're like running back in like like a thousand degree heat just be like yeah you're back for the sort my you come you come with that cheese price also not

[00:39:05] their first language so there's every chance I have no idea what he's talking about he's as hard as that they just smold at him because they have no idea what he's saying

[00:39:16] I've got another quote and this isn't an out of context this is going to be in context but I thought it was brilliant where he goes to new castle to St James' Park and it's been rebuilt I

[00:39:27] think yeah yeah he remembered what it was like when he used to play there because it was quite bad and then it's been redone and he's talking about how magnificent it is and how it's amazing

[00:39:37] and he says but now it was a magnificent structure towering into the sky and worthy of a great team inside the ball rooms were as good as anything you would find in a four star hotel

[00:39:47] I mean it's not five star the boring stone the borings don't quite you know have been you know not that good but pretty good let's not go crazy now they're four star

[00:40:07] he's not a man known to exaggerate Alan as we know first book he's not a man known to exaggerate he is time for a break but we'll have more bubbly in Brazil when we return as Alan meets another

[00:40:17] Scottish hell razor and the moment you've all been waiting for Alan on 9-11 hello James here and we at football book club want you that's right you to join something special something exclusive we want you to join the football book club club the football club club

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[00:42:05] book club club isn't so join today at patreon.com forward slash football club or by following the link in the episode notes see you back at the club house welcome back to football club where we are still reading Alan Brazil's there's an awful lot

[00:42:27] a bubbly in Brazil with and partridge hey hey if you miss suck it in by the Brazil charm then I just wanted to like it that's what I want to make it I wanted to like it I wanted it to be good

[00:42:44] I think it's not there are times where it touches on being very good I would say there are times where it's like oh this like it's so bad it's good or like it's genuine

[00:42:54] and it never quite hits either one right I would say it's a way to do that so I would say it's still the second half I quite enjoyed enjoyed it more but that's because you like people who pay for

[00:43:03] spurs James I can imagine James smiling to himself at this stage of being like finally a chapter like me enjoy finally champagne he says he did never great time at spurs no he didn't it didn't have a good

[00:43:24] time at spurs particularly did when you used to live in ipswitz jack yes I did this is interesting so I have I a couple of times over I mentioned to my wife I was like oh yeah look here's

[00:43:36] some nice thing he says about ipswitz and my wife hates it which and she was like nope not listening to it I'm gonna ask you the same thing jack because um I wanted what you thought about that as well jack

[00:43:46] because he often describes ipswitz kind of with like as though he's like just you know come off a boat and see New York for the first time in the bright lights of it which occasionally it's really it's very odd it is on it

[00:44:03] it may be quite nostalgic for it such a weird way because there are so many that I just lovely bits that he described he just he talked about the there's a hotel on burner street when I was

[00:44:12] like I remember burner street it's right near the museum it's very I like it which a lot I have nothing against the people or the the the area of it switch but yeah eeeeeeeeeeeee

[00:44:24] seem to really go for it in a way that I was surprised by yes yeah is he live there he lives there doesn't he he's still is there there's a bit also where he's like what's great about it

[00:44:34] switches you can walk around there and not feel like you're gonna have to start a fight he's like you don't have to be people people look at you and and you're not worried as soon as

[00:44:41] they look at you you're gonna have to clinch your face and punch them which I think says more about his growing up in Glasgow but yeah possibly possibly but yeah talking of Alan getting into trouble

[00:44:53] I think we want to talk about the ultimate trouble makers the past 20 years jack that's the smoothest segue over there he gets thank you very much so he has an entire chapter on the state of America

[00:45:07] which is I think Alan sometimes this might be controversial I think Alan sometimes over estimates his importance on British culture like his his impact on on the idea of British culture because he

[00:45:24] starts he starts talking about this chapter in America on on America by saying like I first started to think about it while drinking champagne in the colony club and like he he he he presents this idea

[00:45:36] like he's been building for ages it's been his brain that is a the ultimate way to show that that we the people of talk sport or specifically porkey and Brazil are not afraid of terrorists

[00:45:50] and not afraid of Arcada and it's like it's like as soon as he says we first thought I first started to think about it while drinking champagne in the colony club we're all supposed to go

[00:46:00] he's gonna talk about it he's gonna talk about the moment he he sucked it he he he sucked it to uh to uh a Simon's son yeah yeah basically his big plan to show that um to show a Simon

[00:46:13] then love and he's not afraid was to get talksport to pay for him to go to New York and do a show and that is the that is the level that of uh post 9 11 like this is he says a couple of months

[00:46:25] after 9 11 sometimes he talks about it as if it's like the next day like yes uh the 12 September he's getting on a plane being like we're all afraid of Simon here we go but it must have been like

[00:46:35] February 2002 um I think that is the news stories that some flights have been cancelled because there was a terror alert in one of the airport just to make so yes yeah and he gets so annoyed by that like so

[00:46:49] angry the bad word ever happened yeah it's the he's like I just want the next flight it's while he's on the colony club he's watching like the the yeah you're right like news things

[00:47:00] coming in but it's not crucially it's not of a terrorist attack it is literally like flights been delayed again because everyone's a little bit jump here he's like wow I'm not jumping but yeah

[00:47:11] the way that he the way he phrases it sort of the whole thing has an energy of like it's D-Day or like we're coming out of you know occupied occupied France, Porky and and Brazil

[00:47:24] are the ones like broadcasting the news from from Nazi Germany it's a bit like it's it's fascinating the whole thing the whole vibe has an amazing like uh self-important to it that is totally

[00:47:39] is wonderful with a Japanese that's not really there the Japanese yeah yeah it's not there at all and also it's like as he talks about it it's basically like he's of outlines his plan

[00:47:49] as he starts off we're saying it was a daring bold incredible plan and you think the plan's gonna be well we have to sneak into America somehow we'll have to like disguise ourselves as cargo

[00:47:58] well like it'd have to be like you know the film or go where it pertains to shoot a film and it's like no we just we got on our first class uh in PA BA were lovely by the way

[00:48:09] we were the only ones there they treat us really well we drank lots of champagne and then we landed in America and it's like there's no Japanese yeah you didn't I wouldn't point

[00:48:19] I didn't even have that guy sitting next to them this time but also at one point he's like I'll tell you what's great about this is that it's nice being in the air because I can call

[00:48:29] people on the phone but they can't call me no no daring like flight across the continent during war ever has a bit where you can do like two minutes of observational standup it's

[00:48:41] it's so weird it's true that the whole the whole section has been on as and also yeah I don't know what else to say about it I love it I'm sorry and this is and again this is another

[00:48:53] example of one the ones where you know to Alan and to Porkey the public just believe just as much as he does but what they're doing is something incredible and really important to like

[00:49:07] not just like talk sport but like oh like geopolitical situation I was I was terrified to fly until Brazil and Porkey flew this flight I was like legitimately it is a bit way so it's Brazil and Porkey telling those cutthroat terrorists you don't frighten us as

[00:49:28] summer we're flying British our ways catch us if you can yeah and he has about the time they're being clapped and she had threw his rope all the way through he dubbed it the flight of death

[00:49:46] but then in the new soldier he's we have to restrain it he said before them following morning show when he had toned it down to the most dangerous airline flight in the world they are literally

[00:49:56] going on a plane on a commercial plane from America for from Britain to America yep and yes yeah very really really bizarre and also on the way back Alan tries to basically act as much

[00:50:09] like a terrorist as he can to super send a point like he gets an argument with like the security staff because like a buzzer goes off or something and he's like he won't take a shoes off

[00:50:22] yeah yeah and there he's also like he's like I'm not gonna take my shoes off where are you flying to sir London where they have a little bit of personality you're like what are you doing people

[00:50:34] take their shoes off there all the time but also you're right it's not clear it's not clear what Alan's problem is is it that the the sort of faceless person who's asking him to take a shoes off

[00:50:45] he's being a bit rude yeah or is it that he doesn't like the imposition on our liberty and I don't think he understands all decides which he's confronted by i just is a fronter generally he's just

[00:50:55] the front he's a fronter the idea of having to communicate with someone who doesn't find him like effervescent and charming which in this book with supposed to believe is like 1% of the population until until someone in the crowd in that the queue behind probably just desperate for them

[00:51:12] to get a fucking move on goes like he's an incredibly famous personality over in England and he says like because in America everyone's totally thawing over celebrities they go oh yeah no fair enough

[00:51:21] all right get on the plane you go you scamp also the idea that the Alan wouldn't he he didn't want have to play that card he didn't have to play the cult but the cult of celebrity car but he was

[00:51:31] forced to buy this personalityless security guard I mean the the whole his whole like journey around America is very weird there's a there's a bit where they visit the Vietnam Memorial Wall and

[00:51:45] how good is it's one of my a bit it's so funny because he says like he's witnessing it's very moving like witnessing like people like morning their sons one that like who had traveled there and obviously

[00:51:56] it's a it's very it is you know it's 2002 it's a heightened emotional time in America but there's a line which is bloody wars I thought it's turning away from the monument with misdi's no notes no notes

[00:52:10] bloody wars Alan Brazil on wars it isn't credit watchy out how many out of context lines there in this one there's probably more than the most books in this one chapter and you chose a good one

[00:52:23] there and I think overall Alan does defeat al Qaeda I think he did this you haven't heard there have been no problems with that at region ever since so it was fun but like it's I think it also because

[00:52:36] like later on obviously there's such a massive revelation about his life and he has a he has a really interesting story you know growing up and playing wanting to play the Celtic was one that was

[00:52:45] unable to play the Celtic move to wiggle is a lot of interesting things about Alan Brazil but we spend about I would say 10 pages about the time when he's in an Irish pub he says

[00:52:57] it was clearly an Irish pub so it was probably the nearest thing they had in this town to an English pub again outstanding line but like where he's like he has a crisis which is I really

[00:53:09] like this pub but it doesn't have piano what are we going to do and someone says don't worry will there's a piano down the road over there we'll just get everyone to move from this place

[00:53:20] to the over there and Alan's again like it's another crisis how's everyone going to get there there is so much in this book that is not interesting at all yeah we're spending so long

[00:53:29] talking about how you got from one Irish bar to another one while you're pretending you're like freedom fighters yeah I don't understand it totally bizarre and everything we have mentioned

[00:53:41] has been from the first three chapters I think so but I don't I don't think we said any line that hasn't been in the first three chapters but that I do think that Porky Perry's hands all over

[00:53:51] the first half of the book yes yeah and I don't think he's had a hand in the second half of the book so it's definitely a book of two halves for sure what we are drawing deeply from is the deep

[00:54:00] well of Porky bullshit yeah I just wanted to bring up one thing and I'm going to kind of veer into tash territory here because obviously a lot in the book we talked about and then

[00:54:16] all the mad stuff the bad stuff and everything else that's in between but the thing that left the biggest impression on me is that I'm 99.9% sure that Alan has imagined Rod Stewart I think throughout the whole thing I believe sort of James James Rod Stewart is real

[00:54:33] no I'm not doubting that I believe Rod Stewart has really not made him up but I believe that Rod Stewart is true I believe Rod Stewart is Alan Brazil's imaginary friend in some way because and

[00:54:49] I'll explain why I believe this and basically whenever Alan gets drunk enough wherever he is whether it's the races after a match even like in another country Rod Stewart inevitably appears I think happens like three times in the book throughout this thing how it happens at the

[00:55:04] definitely at least twice and he loves Rod Stewart he makes that very very very quickly he's a soccer nurse he's great funny loves boozy loves women he's like vaguely Scottish he's dedicated to Scotland yes yeah that's it yeah yeah um indicators and

[00:55:23] I'll be honest like I was quite I was amazed it took a hundred and thirty pages for Rod Stewart to turn up in the book but when he does he's kind of a constant president there and the first time

[00:55:32] he does he's at an event where Tom Perignon is flowing as always waitresses there serving lobster all around a pool or something like this yeah sounds it sounds very very fake um so you know

[00:55:44] Alan's probably probably had a few drinks by this point and then what do you know who turns up Rod Stewart and I guess even better they don't even bother they meant to go to some races or something

[00:55:54] they'd bother doing that uh and for some reason Alan tells us that Rod's driver does a cracking chevra-broking impression he's been a good one I already get that bit and then he's gone he's just gone

[00:56:07] he's not mentioning more there's no goodbye anything he just he's fades off without a trace that's the first occasion then about thirty or so pages later he's mentioned again he says he wishes that

[00:56:16] he could be like him um he says uh that yeah he thinks there's a wonderful life to be like this you know sexy singer and it was just that he could have been a singer possibly as well but he chose for

[00:56:27] the coming David General out at this point I was just a legend learn so you know if you're gonna have an imaginary friends give someone you idolize a bit like you know that uh Michael O'In

[00:56:34] show that we talk about quite a lot um zero to hero so it was called where um the kid loves Michael and his first comes alive yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so come in it sense he also says

[00:56:44] how uh on the social events where when he sees Rod uh Rod's always inviting him over to his house by football on his full-size pitch which he has but as Alan says he can never make it

[00:56:53] I don't think it's a special I that is a split that we're confusing to me because he because he did don't doesn't he live quite close to him as well he does like no if a 20 years

[00:57:01] he never even has been a 20 years live very very close surely that a found one day but of course you can't if you've imagined someone you can't actually meet them and then later um we get the first

[00:57:13] time they met on page 2007 took page 2000 so he was on our big page 200 and everyone um Alan is a naturally steaming drunk with the other Scotland players celebrating them going out of the world

[00:57:24] cup in in important and important news they're discussing in the VIP area all Scotland fans are joining them and then just as Alan seems to kind of hit a sweet spot of drunkenness someone grabs

[00:57:36] him it's they're singing flower of Scotland at this point because again he's vaguely Scottish who else is old rod again and together they dance the night away uh they dance the

[00:57:46] night away have the best night of their lives uh and then he disappears again in thinner the most telling of all the lines here I think into why I believe he's imagined him he says I looked at

[00:57:56] Rod's face and his wiry body and honestly wondered if he was made of the same blood and bones that we were there are some people that are so famous that until you see them in the flesh it's hard to believe

[00:58:04] they actually exist wow that open and shut open and shut open shut he said he's got I pride of plays at home he has a photo of him like Alan Hanson or something and uh and Rod Stewart

[00:58:20] I believe that um if you were to look at that picture it would be Alan clutching mid-out like thinner like it is clutching nothing but he sees it no no surely wrong so back to the future style like

[00:58:33] exactly disappeared exactly yeah that's the real thing of a lived here man yeah okay that three falls down on the sense that are you saying that every time Alan drinks Rod Stewart piss yes largely yeah okay that is very true yeah Ross you understand this with me

[00:58:56] oh yeah no I only when he gets to a certain point I think when he really really really Alan Brazil it's really Alan Brazil it turns out that bit where where he sees him in the Spanish

[00:59:11] bar after they got the world cup it is weird because he he like like Rod Stewart just as a biz and then someone's like hey Johnson speed and he goes okay oh yeah yeah it's so weird

[00:59:22] like he's like oh I'm a bit tired and someone's like oh take these pills and he just goes I assume they're aspirin turns out later they're not aspirin I totally forget about that bit yeah

[00:59:32] yeah yeah the the the Rod Stewart if he is a hallucination happens before that moment yeah you're up I'd remember that he always he's very clear throughout he would never take drugs or do drugs

[00:59:41] and then mentions two drugs that he's taken very very very very quickly I was at yeah I forgot about that but yeah no Ross Stewart I think the only thing he must be a ghost must all that or you know

[00:59:53] I'm mad like he just hangs out and it's similar social circles they can't be that go go Strod go Strod go Strod go Strod and then the book kind of comes to an end after

[01:00:06] after all this provado in there he talks a bit about his football I felt quite sorry from at the end especially with the united stuff things yeah well he the the picture you get like from from his

[01:00:18] his playing career and this is where it is a bit interesting yes as you said is obviously he wanted he wanted more than the other way for Celtic and then couldn't because the person who would have

[01:00:30] put him forward to be in the in the senior team was a child abuser yep yeah and so that kind of scuppers that so that's just such an interesting horrible thing that he couldn't play for Celtic

[01:00:40] because of that because he sort of felt like he would have played for them yeah not have absolutely now and then he goes to it switch and it's like don't worry I can play for it switch

[01:00:49] we've got an exciting manager everything's going well the win the way for Gabby you think oh brilliant you know and then by what 2070s kind of out with the entire game because his back

[01:01:00] yeah he goes a bit non league football yeah yeah it's a real sense of like probably wasted talent or like not not because of anything he did but just because he had those things

[01:01:08] not happened he could have had a really massive long and fantastic career but it just didn't happen there's there's a real sadness at the core of the book which makes the first 140 pages

[01:01:20] reading it again even sadder yes like yeah yeah I think this is I'm sort of like I don't a lot of the times with these books the players who write them don't fully know what

[01:01:34] their story is like they don't they have an understanding of the whole narrative of their career and it sort of feels like that with this as well and I can't quite I don't know what the right

[01:01:45] I don't know what the right Alan Brazil book would be but it is certainly it's certainly structured so weirdly that it's kind of hard to pull like a narrative out of it but I do think there

[01:01:54] is one in there hmm he doesn't he doesn't connect any threads as a use sort of yeah yes it's like a very avant-garde movie we have to sort of find your own influences and

[01:02:03] yeah what he's doing he was actually very advanced yeah yeah but he got his glasses the notice is not playing yeah but I hope that I don't know it it definitely made me go like Alan Brazil is a much more

[01:02:16] interesting person than I thought he was going to be before reading this book I kind of agree with that because there is there is more depth to it and he's he is at times a good

[01:02:29] writer as well like there are he seems like a smart guy he's got a lot of a made a lot of good film references and things and like pop culture references and stuff

[01:02:38] throughout the book which is level but you don't always see in a lot of the other books that we read and there the broadcasting side is interesting obviously he's got loads of followers you don't

[01:02:47] stay on the radio for 20 years if you're if you're all for your job there is a time in a place where hey I listen to talks about occasionally I'll turn it on I'll turn it on I'll turn it on I'll turn it on

[01:02:55] I'll turn it on I've got a shrine to Mike Paul's house War on Tara come on there I'll share some god damn respects yeah it is a next home and George W. Bush

[01:03:10] and Rod Stewart on the deck of the HMS art royal we've done with George Bush he's just hugging nothing you look like a picture again did this book change you then change me no okay sure

[01:03:33] no no no no no no no no you need to be around the bush would you give it a reasonable score out of ten for us or not reasonable score so it's less than jobles than I thought it might be

[01:03:44] but it's not it's what I said at the beginning it's kind of it shouldn't be boring because he's telling you these wild stories where he's like and common during a milk float at one point

[01:03:58] you know it's all this stuff happens yeah but but it somehow is still boring yeah i don't know how he's pulled that off but he has so i think it four a four out of ten okay okay it's not totally dull but there's something about it that doesn't

[01:04:13] I don't know what it is the misfires for the reason see if the book had been all those first four chapters i would have been the same i would have probably given it like negative score because it's so scary eating but then i really actually did enjoy

[01:04:25] hearing your right football career yeah yeah i actually that's more into it yeah i i realise that's side of it um yeah so i would give it i'd give it a five overall it wasn't as insufferable

[01:04:36] as i thought it was gonna be and i've got no real you know huge problem with Adam Rizzle in the first place i know some people really do and would have meetly be off put off reading

[01:04:43] this book in the first place but yeah up because of the table i have i've no qualms with Adam Rizzle but the book didn't do loads for me until the end so yeah i'd say five yeah

[01:04:53] i think i would say five as well actually i think thinking about uh Ben i think the i think the thing is it's the lack of stakes the one i think about it now because you're right all of the things

[01:05:03] these talking about in that first chapter could be quite exciting but ultimately it's hard to get that excited about the idea of Alan Brizzle doing a talk show with Mike Borky Perry and think

[01:05:16] that it's important yeah i did that some weird i think i think i think it's an inflated sense of like he thinks he's changing the world while doing this talk so and if there'd just been a bit

[01:05:26] where he was like i because he does he steals a milk float he smashes a bunch of milk and then he dries out of there at like five in the morning if there is then another

[01:05:35] sentence that was all this to do a radio show how bad is that yeah yeah i probably would have just like just he's not even to puncture it but it's the fact that he's like oh god it's a disaster it's

[01:05:47] five minutes to six and i'm supposed to be on the radio in five minutes what are they going to do play old episodes probably like for poor kiel just doing his own of you yeah like like

[01:05:57] book is just how he's ill today or something like that there's just so many bits where it's is there's just a lot just remembering it as well well like he keeps on saying like i fully

[01:06:06] intend to have an early night but then a cruel twist of fate like turned it away from me where i had to like i happened to bump into a friend so i obviously had to drink for another seven hours

[01:06:16] and it's always it's always someone else's fault and it's always like the stakes are always massively high in his mind and the reality is never really matching that and i think that's what

[01:06:28] make but i think what the first by pages for a straighter or first chapter but that's why i think James is getting at which is if you just read the first half i think the first half colored the

[01:06:36] rest of it for me so i couldn't really get to like the rest of it yes if you if you didn't have to read the first half which is just all those stories it might be quite interesting or might be

[01:06:45] okay bugging all of the stories later on are like some of them are about life and death moments like he gets chased through dundee by some angry um footballers or football like hooligans he

[01:06:55] has to hide underneath the robust and of the bus is about to run him over that's legitimate life and death moment that is really exciting that is brought about by like hooliganism um yes

[01:07:05] not by a man about to miss a um a radio show at six anew one also very obviously made up blackfiends yeah yeah hey oh we're not here it might might pocketberries never told her never told

[01:07:20] a lie oh that's what maybe is that white good porkey it has white put it in there you know no that's not the reason now probably not um it's time for the quiz uh this we yes you are

[01:07:29] named after two the two flavors of alan's branded nuts yeah the couple brazil's nuts uh Ben you're dry roasted and jack your original sorted i'm not really not really adventurous um as they say

[01:07:41] on the pack premier quality peanuts so uh shout you're not he's really pushing the boundaries of peanuts yes there nuts but they dry roast it sorry just to check they're not actually Brazil nuts they're just known they're known that's the normal that's yeah I think in hell they're

[01:07:57] called brazil's nuts yeah so that's that's the joke yeah so say normal that's a brazil that is an abnormal not sorry yeah no but at least it's the brazil fans out there sorry yeah that doesn't mean

[01:08:09] um yeah so shout out your new name uh if you know the answer question number one what is alan brazil not done since one terrifying day on new market he's brazil's salted yeah it's right a horse yeah I'll give you that it's sat on a horse

[01:08:26] it's more exact it's okay sat on a horse it's what you say that's during the during the the I don't know is this one of real story or not real story I couldn't quite tell

[01:08:35] the way like a horse a horse goes I would say a horse goes a bit too fast for him and he freaks out but there's a bit where he just it's driving it's driving alone it's riding along and he's

[01:08:47] like bouncing up and down and he just says things like please stop yeah yes which you might stop horse please yeah that is exactly what it is when the horse runs off uh and he hasn't

[01:09:01] going to say but he will still watch horses every second of his life that's a little thing then that's a dramatic for him um question number two which bands lead singer did alan brazil go to school with oh really something he just didn't

[01:09:17] there he's just in there ahead of uh dry roasted oh no you're not what's your original sorted jack original sorted oh my god my lab's okay original sorted okay i'm going you can go and you can

[01:09:26] yeah simple minds is correct is correct yeah i know i'm sorry i've got two other questions because jack actually answers one in the show somehow um the next question is how many James Beatys are there to an alan brazil yeah they're more thinking questions more cerebral this week

[01:09:48] uh original one too yeah i think it's two he's correct he's correct again wow this is exciting that was a really funny bit where he's like that you know the amount of money that

[01:10:04] they pay for me is uh totally in pounds and today's money and considering the James Beatys was like six million pounds yep you can see i think yep that is exactly so much like exactly it

[01:10:15] yeah yeah and finally one last question how does alan brazil like to relax at home there's probably many answers to this but there's one specific one uh which i hope you give me it is very quite convoluted many levels to it no money levels to it there's many

[01:10:33] stages to it it's probably the words oh it does a few things stay yeah oh does he dry roasted yeah i this is more me fishing for a clue but i think i'm getting mixed up with another

[01:10:44] book i'm reading the moment does it involve having a bath uh it doesn't it's the other book you're reading both barrels from brazil alright it's baths of my life for that Brazil

[01:10:57] there were indeed a lot of baths in brazil um no it involved can you go to clube can you give me a question it's so hard to give a clue for this answer um but it involves a famous western actor

[01:11:10] oh just the famous actor in general but he has been his a westerns oh no i do remember clint east would coming up yes that is yep yep yep this clint east was the person like i don't remember

[01:11:23] this i can't remember what the context of it is but i do remember underlining it and thinking that is very weird what i just online the way alan i'll answer it for you um because i think it's

[01:11:36] going very hard to get this and the way alan in order to get a point James can i try and yeah does it involve involving a pouring and drinking a glass of champagne uh it doesn't bother i will give

[01:11:47] you a point because i'm always certain that uh and he probably does do that alongside it so yeah that's a point dry roasted no what he likes to do um is he has a clint east with DVD

[01:11:59] ready at home which he puts on um so he can play the rhythmic sound of horses hooves on turf ha ha ha ha ha ha and then he automatically that's the only way he can relax watching a clint east of DVD with the sound of galloping horses

[01:12:18] with youtube care about he must have been so happy i can finally go and like clint east with DVD i just load up a load up some resources if anyone got their home make god home mercy on your

[01:12:31] So as a pride, well, Jackie won that and as your prize you got this, Ken's on. You're Ken's on the street. So Ben, Ken's on is a guy who comes on our show and writes chance about forgotten footballers.

[01:12:47] But I actually, this week, bit of a shock, someone actually measured me on Twitter with their own Ken's on instead. They said I don't want to buy on Ken's on style. Just strange turn of phrase, but his name was DeRucci main and he wrote this song about

[01:13:04] a current Luton town fallback. Very detailed chance. Join to see if you go for it. Yep, is the answer? Yeah, okay. So yeah, we're going to do it whether you like it or not. We just hear the rhythmic sound of horses. The tune of rhythmic horses.

[01:13:23] It's to the tune of that some more. Great. Good. When you need a right back who defend and attack that's cabore, when you need a clean sheet, then he's right up your street, that's cabore. Anyway, that happened. I thought we were at ends.

[01:13:39] Then five days later, long before we'd get two more verses sent to me. Twitter, Luther, no winging, a link, a link, a link and we'll sing up the hatters. And we'll stay to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be in a league that matters.

[01:13:56] Oh, oh, oh, he is only on loan, but he feels right at home. That's cabore. He has just got one dream to wear the tangerine. That's cabore. There we go. Thank you. Great. DeRucci main. DeRucci main sounds like a play for the United States National team in like

[01:14:17] the United States National team. Yeah, it's incredible. Yeah, it's incredible. It's a huge name. Yeah, sort of short fails period on loan to maybe sundall. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Exactly. It's definitely his vibe. Oh, Annie, he's listening in China as well.

[01:14:30] He says you might be our only fan in China. Everything about this is bizarre, but thank you so much and please send more because that is a good one. That is all for this week's episode.

[01:14:38] But we back in a fortnight if you can't wait that long join the book club club on Patreon, book where members of the club get a brand new exclusive bonus chapter episode every week where we chat about even more of the book.

[01:14:48] It's three footage of joins that please do head to Patreon.com for us last footwork club. In the meantime, do get in touch with us at Sputty Book Club on Twitter, Instagram, at Football Club, send us your puns, your Ken Zong request or just write a whole

[01:15:01] Ken Zong if you want to do that. Thanks everyone for joining today and thank you so much Ben. Thank you. My pleasure. Thank you. It was brilliant. You were great. I'm glad you finally got to read and Brazil's book out.

[01:15:14] I was out all those months on your shelf. Did you get any back? You were going to go to Brazil, Maui first? Yeah. Yeah, I think we need to read both barrels. I agree. I'm going to make a prediction about both barrels.

[01:15:28] I think some of the stories are going to appear again. I think you know. I think it will be short. I think not. Or I didn't have to be some stories that totally contradict everything that was in this book. I think yeah. I think that.

[01:15:39] Yes by the end of the day. No one on a plane. I'm going to be like a cork board with a red string. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to work out at the trees about in Brazil. Did he meet Rod Stewart?

[01:15:49] I'll categorically prove that Rod Stewart has never existed. Anything to plug then? Yes. Well, I do two podcasts. One called the Beef and Dairy Network. One called three beams salad. And they're both worth checking out. That's the main thing. Absolutely. We're checking out. Thank you. So many people.

[01:16:04] I think we're going to have a look at the next one. I think we're going to have a look at the next one. I think we're going to have a look at the next one. I think we're going to have a look at the next one.

[01:16:08] I think we're going to have a look at the next one. Thank you. Thanks. Absolutely. We're checking out. Thank you so much for joining Jack. Thank you as always. Any last words? The rhythmic sound of horses hooves. There we go. I'll play that out. I'll play that out.

[01:16:21] I'll play that out and I'll put Paul Keys cinnamon coughing over the top of it. So in really exciting of the cinnamon sound. It's the one. Enjoy. This is a tablespoon full of cinnamon. I'll bet you. I've got even more. Okay? I'm going to count you down.

[01:16:40] Three, two, one. Thanks for listening to football that had the feature James Badg. Jack Burnheart and Benjamin Partridge. It was created in the juice by James Badg. Thanks to Alan Brazil and of course I like Paul Keep Harry for writing the book.

[01:17:06] The music pulls behind his work of Silent Partner and is used in a creative 4.0 license. We back in a fortnight until then. Bye-bye. A man was walking along a beach which represented his life. At his feet were two sets of footprints, his and gods.

[01:17:35] But looking back down the beach, the man could see that in the hardest part of his life there was only one set of footprints. So the man said to God, why is there only one set of footprints when times were hard? Where were you?

[01:17:48] And God replied, my precious child, I was in my car listening to the beef and dairy network podcast. The beef and dairy network podcast is a multi-award-winning comedy podcast and you can find it at maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.