Julian Joachim's 'You Must Be Joachim'

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[00:01:08] Julian Joachim 90s Premier League hero. Play for Villa, Lester, Coventry, Leeds and about a

[00:01:16] million non-league teams including someone called Corn but fairly sure are not affiliated with the fake

[00:01:22] people. 42 Premier League goals, 9 caps for England under 21s, FA Cup runner up, had a brief

[00:01:27] cameo in the film Hannibal when he appeared in a match on tv in the background plus of course

[00:01:32] author but what will the book club think of his exceptionally titled You Must Be Joachim?

[00:01:38] Find out in today's football book club. The reading is like a sort of beat pubic tree or like

[00:01:42] someone doing the weirdest Christopher Walken impression. Do you remember that little britain sketch with

[00:01:47] Bubbles Devere? That's Julian Lee in there. Would you ever go to a Chinese restaurant called Walshi?

[00:01:54] It's a pain on the ass writing this book. Think I'll just leave it here and just skip to retirement.

[00:01:57] Hey, I didn't drink. I'm not a drinker. I'm a gambler.

[00:02:01] Oh, nice nice nice to start the show. Hello, how welcome to football book club the only book

[00:02:22] club where in literary classics he's episode we read another footballer's autobiography.

[00:02:27] Less Joseph Heller, more Sebastian Haller.

[00:02:34] Jack he's gonna make the new noises all episodes. I never know how to respond until I know if you

[00:02:40] made it up or someone else made it up. Yeah, I've never made them up. I never made them up.

[00:02:44] It's true, just get in the first three series where it was. Thank you to Jack Swindlehurst

[00:02:50] for that one. It was more than just an alias of mine like Kenzong.

[00:02:56] I think that one you said hella weird. Hella?

[00:03:02] Like you're a very posh man. Yeah.

[00:03:07] And Joseph Heller. See Jack, you heard you heard posh voice but I heard like scary spice.

[00:03:14] Heller. Heller. Heller.

[00:03:17] I'm Joseph Heller. Joseph Heller.

[00:03:20] Little insight into another book we'll be doing in the future.

[00:03:23] The Spice Girl Dwight York fancies the most. There we go.

[00:03:28] And Joe's book and over the weeks will be reading such classics as Alexi Lalas'

[00:03:32] Kickin' Balls and Dominic Matios in my defense. But today we're reading Julian Joachim's 2023

[00:03:39] autobiography, You Must Be Joe Kim. And joining me to read it are Jack Burr. Hello.

[00:03:47] Natasha Frisco. Hello. And James Boulton. Hello. Hello everybody. How are we doing?

[00:03:54] Yeah, pretty good. Can you just say that in the name of the book again?

[00:03:59] I just want to say that. You must be Joe Akim.

[00:04:04] It is good. This is like we had Asamoji Anne's Legi Ann Derry and we had Julian

[00:04:08] Joachim's You Must Be Joe Kim. 2023 was a good year. This is autobiography titles.

[00:04:13] You think it's better? There's a lot of ones that like work out loud but when you see them

[00:04:18] written down they're really bad. Yes. Let's see Anne Derry.

[00:04:22] The best one out of all of them, definitely. This is what it actually works.

[00:04:25] It actually works as a better than Blood Sweat and Maccateer.

[00:04:28] Yeah because this work this like properly works as a pun.

[00:04:32] The only trouble is he's not that funny. That's the essential problem.

[00:04:38] I think we've sort of, Joe Akim about what? I think we've kind of all manifested this book

[00:04:43] into existence. It feels like one of those ones that the pun existed and someone was like,

[00:04:47] Julian you have to write the book and you're like, oh, one. There is this podcast.

[00:04:54] This is very much like, Jim with a really early days when we went on little name,

[00:04:59] Colin Murray show on BBC Radio 5. And I prepared like a game of real book faith book.

[00:05:05] That was a real book. We never got, we never got around to doing it. I don't think

[00:05:08] because he just got us out the office. He got us out the studio.

[00:05:10] But we had like the day before COVID wasn't it? So he was like,

[00:05:14] I'm like, hello there. Do you think the long road to Duggy Friedman is a real book?

[00:05:20] Exactly. That's what I'm going to bring up. I'm so worried about this.

[00:05:23] Long road to Friedman. That was my favourite one.

[00:05:30] That is a good one.

[00:05:32] It's a good one. It walked to Friedman, a long road to Friedman.

[00:05:35] I can't remember. Oh, nice.

[00:05:36] It's a book. It's only read the real books on this.

[00:05:43] How about you guys? But Julian Joachim is one of those footballers who's kind of burned

[00:05:46] into my mind because he was kind of prominent when I first got into football.

[00:05:50] I fully agree. So I had a book that was a, it was the Opta book from 1998-99 and I like

[00:05:59] really read it and it's embarrassing how much I like, but that stuff burned into my mind.

[00:06:04] And Julian Joachim was like a prominent but only Astervilla. That's the only way I know him.

[00:06:08] I don't know him as Lester Plier. Only known as Astervilla.

[00:06:11] I used to remember him as Astervilla. Yeah, that must have been the tip of the

[00:06:14] book. So yeah, I got to be honest. As the resident like non-futball finished it.

[00:06:19] Never heard of this book until the book arrived at my kind of book.

[00:06:22] Never heard of him. But when you were saying like, you must be Joachim. I was like,

[00:06:27] that's not real. He's having me on. He's having me on. He's made this one up and this is going to be

[00:06:33] like April Fools kind of thing. The effort I go to to commit to a bit, I might hold you.

[00:06:39] He was. You were, I believe that. I was going to say I think I,

[00:06:44] I think this one would have benefited from being written by James Buck in a dream.

[00:06:50] Yeah. But don't give way too much. Yeah, Jack.

[00:06:54] But it's a nice short book at least. We're giving not quite a short as Rohan's.

[00:06:59] It's about clocks and about 155 pages I think. I don't know because you've got the book

[00:07:04] and I read it on Kindle so I only know it in percentages.

[00:07:08] James, he's telling James to sign up to the book club club then we can afford more

[00:07:13] James. I'm sorry. I get the book. You get Kindle.

[00:07:16] He was very much like free pounds. She only only I may have the real book. You must all have it

[00:07:22] sort of this bizarre nonsense book that is online which like has not been formatted properly.

[00:07:29] You can't search this in Kindle. It's all over the shop. If you search Brian Little in this book,

[00:07:35] Brian Little doesn't come up because the way that they formatted this book means every single time

[00:07:40] Brian Little is written it's actually Brian space, space, space, space, space, lit, space, space, space,

[00:07:50] reading it is like a sort of it's like beat poetry or like someone doing the

[00:07:54] Christopher Walker impression. For us signed for Ask the Villain at the age of 21.

[00:08:01] See this is bad because I got to throw James Bousin as the bus hit because when I got this book,

[00:08:07] I bought it for James. Just James just and said to him, can you quickly check?

[00:08:10] Yeah, you're laughing now. Can you check if it reads?

[00:08:14] That's how my brain reads. James, the atmosphere is awesome.

[00:08:17] James, in about six minutes time, I'm about to rip you a new one because this book nearly gave me an

[00:08:24] an aneurysm. Okay, well stay tuned for six more minutes. Do I like fill this space between now and then?

[00:08:35] Was that just an estimation? It's just an estimation.

[00:08:38] Just fucking on the scale to the computer.

[00:08:41] Let's read, you must be Joe Akin.

[00:08:48] So over the show we're going to be going into the book in depth as a quiz and a dramatic reading.

[00:08:54] But first let's see what Amazon is saying. The book has three stars from six ratings including

[00:09:02] many one star reviews including this one from AMP Parker. You might be able to sympathize with

[00:09:07] this guys. Wouldn't let me read on my usual format even when screen is locked. Can anyone advise?

[00:09:14] Yeah, it's a bit like doing an escape room reading this book.

[00:09:18] It really is. Is it really that bad as a way to read it?

[00:09:22] Yeah, it is quite bad. However, however I do just have one thing to say.

[00:09:27] I went for dinner with my friend the other day who's a writer, Ella Rispiter,

[00:09:30] love Ella, by Ella. But she was saying to me how she reads every Google review,

[00:09:37] every Amazon review of her book and now it's made me really paranoid that all these

[00:09:43] reviews that we read are also reading. I never thought about that before.

[00:09:47] Do you think they listen to the podcast?

[00:09:49] No, I do think they're reading these reviews that we all take the piss out. So now I feel bad about

[00:09:54] it. We're reading the reviews that take the piss out of them.

[00:09:57] Yeah, we're taking the piss out of the reviewers.

[00:09:59] Yeah, the mistakes of the piss takers.

[00:10:01] Okay, fine. So we're doing the one thing we should do is

[00:10:05] much more tragic than the Amazon review.

[00:10:07] They write like a sentence and then forget about it for the rest of their lives.

[00:10:10] We do always record it because what I should stop doing is

[00:10:14] posting the entire transcript of every single one of our podcasts

[00:10:18] in the book. I should stop doing that. There's not what I was saying.

[00:10:21] Yeah, under bars or boys now.

[00:10:22] Yeah.

[00:10:25] People read it and they're like, hello and welcome to the football club.

[00:10:31] First of all, I just, you've transcripted the beginning like an advert for now TV at the beginning.

[00:10:40] Oh boy. Yeah, well, I'm very sorry you had to go through that.

[00:10:43] It does sound hellish. But you know, could you get anything out of the book

[00:10:47] within that within that? You know, once you once you cracked this escape room

[00:10:50] of a reading protest because I found it quite a good book.

[00:10:53] I quite enjoyed it. I quite enjoyed reading about Julian's life.

[00:10:56] I just used to, because that's what all the five papers are.

[00:11:00] I mean, we're talking about how we liked it.

[00:11:03] Yeah. Yeah, I like that. It was okay.

[00:11:06] It sort of has the element of feeling like a,

[00:11:10] like, you know, the, I think it is literally because of the formatting.

[00:11:14] But the the peep show where he makes his own book.

[00:11:18] Yeah. It's like secrets of the pharaohs.

[00:11:20] Yeah, well, you'll see business secrets of the pharaohs where you're sort of just like it's

[00:11:24] that thing of there is a good book within this. But then it feels so shoddly put together.

[00:11:29] Like there's an it's a surreal experience reading it because there is an advert for a

[00:11:34] less the building. At the start of it.

[00:11:39] And in my version, the end as well.

[00:11:42] And the end is what I'm supposed to look.

[00:11:44] And also, and builders presented by a client turner.

[00:11:47] And he's got a big big big 70s mop of hair.

[00:11:52] He looks like King, King Richard the first in a

[00:11:56] storyline. Robin Hood.

[00:12:00] Not a great builder I'd say.

[00:12:01] Yeah, no great builder.

[00:12:03] But it's weird because also like the start of it, there's like a sponsor's message at the top

[00:12:08] as well, which is a bizarre like concepts.

[00:12:11] The idea like because we've had before like people wanting to say like,

[00:12:15] ah, special shout out to Costco. I'm looking at you, Mark Senneman.

[00:12:18] Yeah, we never have like it would never have like Costco say, hey, everyone.

[00:12:24] And this eye gets brought to you by Costco.

[00:12:26] It's so weird and also because the way the guy talks about it, he's like,

[00:12:30] I used to love going to Philbet Street and watching all of my favorite players.

[00:12:34] Ah, I used to watch all back in the day.

[00:12:35] It was amazing watching them.

[00:12:37] There were so good. Julian was there as well.

[00:12:39] Anyway, enjoy the book.

[00:12:41] Yeah.

[00:12:42] And then his son went out of my daughter.

[00:12:44] Is that right? I think we're doing it the sun.

[00:12:47] I can't wait is one thing I want to say though, in general, this book has,

[00:12:52] I think the best opening line of any of the books we've ever done the show on 20 September 1974.

[00:12:59] Carl Douglas was top of the UK charts singing everybody was coming through.

[00:13:03] My mom was having a fight of a different kind of Peter Burma turned to us.

[00:13:07] It's so good.

[00:13:10] Absolutely perfect.

[00:13:12] And it's got a very good last line as well which I wrote ruin.

[00:13:15] Yeah.

[00:13:15] James, James, did you enjoy it?

[00:13:18] Yeah, I realised he's got the same birthday as me so that put it up a notch.

[00:13:23] Your birthday is, let's figure this out, wait.

[00:13:26] What was he born?

[00:13:27] 74, does he say?

[00:13:28] So his birthday is the 14th anniversary of when Kung Fu fighting was number one in the UK.

[00:13:33] There is a hacker at home being like, I'm so close to getting all the information I need

[00:13:39] about Joe Fancho.

[00:13:44] What's your mother's maiden name, James?

[00:13:49] Joe Kim.

[00:13:51] But wait, that's it James he's found out he has the same birthday as you and that was

[00:13:55] your...

[00:13:55] Well, that was a positive note.

[00:13:56] That was a nice...

[00:13:57] Celestial ties.

[00:13:58] I found when you asked me to have a little look at it to see if it was all right.

[00:14:03] My feedback was words merged together a bit but you could still read it and you...

[00:14:10] So the book works okay, shows up right sides etc.

[00:14:12] How I...

[00:14:12] Yes he's fine.

[00:14:19] Sorry.

[00:14:19] Oh I will also say that this is the first time that James has sent a book to us where we've

[00:14:24] got an email that has said like this book has been loaded up for you and James wants you to

[00:14:28] read it and that is very intimidating.

[00:14:30] That's what it says.

[00:14:31] It was so loud as he knows.

[00:14:32] Yes, it was something like James was looking for you.

[00:14:36] I felt a little bit like we were being summoned to Squid Game or something like that.

[00:14:39] The way the email was sent was really intense.

[00:14:43] You must be Joe Kim.

[00:14:45] You must attend.

[00:14:46] You must be Joe Kim.

[00:14:48] Yes.

[00:14:51] Tash.

[00:14:52] I know you have some pretty strong thoughts about that.

[00:14:55] I do, I do and I'm going to start with a couple of positives which is the police.

[00:14:59] Oh the police are here.

[00:15:00] I'm going to take your wake.

[00:15:03] Sorry guys, I've moved to the rough end of Brighton.

[00:15:05] We're going to hear that a bit more these days.

[00:15:10] The ways in which Julian, Dorkim and Kim Kardashian are the same.

[00:15:13] Of course.

[00:15:14] In that, how every member of his family they start the name of the Jay.

[00:15:20] In the same name of Kardashian's do at the K.

[00:15:22] I really respect that.

[00:15:24] I like it.

[00:15:24] He is Julian Dorkim.

[00:15:27] His mum is Jani James.

[00:15:28] His daughter is Jazzy.

[00:15:31] Oh yeah.

[00:15:32] Yeah.

[00:15:32] How was that?

[00:15:34] Jani James.

[00:15:35] Jani James.

[00:15:35] What is your name?

[00:15:37] Jani James Dorkim.

[00:15:39] Yeah but he does have the middle name Kevin

[00:15:43] and I think adding Kevin even if your name is Julian Dorkim.

[00:15:50] Kevin in the middle of it is a real

[00:15:53] anyway whatever.

[00:15:56] Zero stars.

[00:15:59] I wanted to talk about how this book is basically when you're in the pub with your mates

[00:16:06] and you've had three pints and you go I want to write a book.

[00:16:10] I think I've had a really interesting life.

[00:16:13] That is exactly what happened with this book.

[00:16:15] He was in the pub with that fella, what's his name Jack?

[00:16:19] The builder and Clive Turner.

[00:16:21] Clive Turner.

[00:16:21] He was in the pub with Clive Turner

[00:16:24] and he went.

[00:16:24] So I've got to watch it for you.

[00:16:28] Do you know what mate?

[00:16:30] I think you've got a book in you.

[00:16:32] There's a book in you somewhere.

[00:16:34] We've all had this conversation you know.

[00:16:36] Yeah.

[00:16:36] And some of us take it too far

[00:16:39] but he's one of these guys because

[00:16:42] right he basically I don't know if you can call this self-publishing

[00:16:46] because it's sponsor publishing so it's essentially just like big spawn con.

[00:16:50] He's just a big influencer

[00:16:52] for that.

[00:16:53] Big spawn con.

[00:16:53] Big spawn con for roofing and builders by Clive Turner.

[00:16:59] Because all this is is a vehicle for that.

[00:17:02] Yeah exactly.

[00:17:03] All this is is a vehicle for all of the ads.

[00:17:05] He's the Molly May of football.

[00:17:08] Like he has a big platform.

[00:17:11] Big platform.

[00:17:12] This book that I think we're probably quite a big portion of the audience for

[00:17:17] but he has this book and it's just a way.

[00:17:21] It's just a vehicle for these people.

[00:17:23] And I go on

[00:17:26] I'm rushing to his fence.

[00:17:27] I think it's the other way around.

[00:17:29] I think he just wanted to be able to get the book out.

[00:17:31] I don't know.

[00:17:32] No, I think I think he did the grips of Clive Turner.

[00:17:35] I do.

[00:17:36] And I also think he's in the book.

[00:17:37] Clive Turner.

[00:17:39] Of all the car dealerships in the Midlands as well.

[00:17:42] All the car dealerships are in there as well.

[00:17:44] He does mention he does love name dropping a car.

[00:17:47] Lots of car dealerships are in here.

[00:17:49] Yeah, he does.

[00:17:49] Yeah.

[00:17:50] And essentially what they've done is they sat in the pub

[00:17:53] and they've gone come on give us some stories and he's gone

[00:17:56] oh remember that time I was picked over to over Beckham for the England team

[00:18:00] and he's gone whole chapter there.

[00:18:02] Whole chapter and we're going to call it like

[00:18:05] Hannibal Lecter Kung Fu fighting or something insane.

[00:18:09] And people are going to love it, they're going to read it.

[00:18:11] It's going to be amazing.

[00:18:12] Only falls and horses all the puns like all the pub quiz team names

[00:18:16] that were going on around them while they were sat in the pub

[00:18:19] they've used their chapter titles.

[00:18:20] And to know what I respect it because I do think

[00:18:24] that they had a lot of fun right in this book.

[00:18:27] Yeah, I agree.

[00:18:28] I agree.

[00:18:29] I agree.

[00:18:30] Clive Turner was he typing it up?

[00:18:33] I was just saying.

[00:18:34] I think no, I think this book is

[00:18:39] Julian sat like remember that little Britain sketch with bubbles devir?

[00:18:45] Yeah, I know.

[00:18:46] I'm a shazel on.

[00:18:47] You don't want to write it.

[00:18:48] What are you saying?

[00:18:49] That's Julian.

[00:18:51] That's Julian lying there and then you've got Clive Turner

[00:18:55] who's a little bit of a Dwight Shrew.

[00:18:57] Like no, no, no, no, no, Matthew Mann.

[00:19:01] Matthew Mann is the one who.

[00:19:02] No, no, Matthew Mann's a cover for Clive Turner.

[00:19:06] Guy's name was there with his big hair and he sat there typing it up

[00:19:10] and telling me more Julian.

[00:19:12] If you're going to go out with an alias

[00:19:14] you're not going to quiz up Matthew Mann.

[00:19:16] Matthew Mann.

[00:19:17] You're going to stand in men.

[00:19:20] You hear?

[00:19:20] I'm not a man.

[00:19:21] Yeah.

[00:19:23] I will say Matthew Mann has also written

[00:19:25] an alternative history of what would happen

[00:19:28] like if Leicester won a double.

[00:19:31] Yes.

[00:19:32] Which sounds incredible.

[00:19:34] Like it's going to be there being like the year is 2070.

[00:19:36] Humanity has.

[00:19:37] What's that TV show where like it's as if Hitler won?

[00:19:42] It's like that.

[00:19:43] Oh, man and the man in the house.

[00:19:44] Man and the hour.

[00:19:45] Yeah, in that.

[00:19:46] In that.

[00:19:46] If Leicester won the FA Cup in 1930

[00:19:50] he could have got to look like a desolate England in 1960.

[00:19:54] Well, there is one other thing that I do think is the main issue.

[00:20:00] My main issue and we have already touched upon it is

[00:20:04] the kerning, the space marks.

[00:20:06] Reading this book, I had to read like three chapters out loud

[00:20:10] because I couldn't work out where the spaces were

[00:20:12] and I just kept like getting thrown back a bit.

[00:20:17] But yeah, I mean,

[00:20:18] I knew that this was a sort of drunken

[00:20:21] ramble when I realized that in the first chapter he's saying like

[00:20:27] things are incredible.

[00:20:28] They're exceptional.

[00:20:29] They're amazing.

[00:20:30] He's using all these lovely qualifiers.

[00:20:32] But by page 131, this man is Eiffon and Jeffyn

[00:20:37] like you've never seen.

[00:20:38] And he's on pint number five by this point

[00:20:41] and he is throwing them around.

[00:20:44] He can't remember anything.

[00:20:46] Like who knows that it was one 15 pm

[00:20:49] when they left the house six years ago.

[00:20:51] He doesn't know this.

[00:20:52] He's pulling it out of his eyes like a drunken man

[00:20:55] and every match that he plays seems to end 2-1.

[00:20:58] How many are you on?

[00:21:00] Every season also seems to end with them finishing sixth

[00:21:03] and tenth points off the page.

[00:21:05] He remembers one football match

[00:21:09] and one result and he just regurgitates it

[00:21:11] somehow for about 200 pages.

[00:21:14] And I don't know what.

[00:21:15] This is gold, it's gold.

[00:21:16] So I just found when we changed the font here, Julian.

[00:21:18] Sure.

[00:21:20] I think you want a bit of serif here.

[00:21:22] We're going with Sans Serif.

[00:21:24] I find this incredibly harsh.

[00:21:27] I'm going to jump into it.

[00:21:28] I'm going to rush into the penalty.

[00:21:29] I'm not saying it's bad thing.

[00:21:32] We all love a sort of slow afternoon in the pub,

[00:21:37] having a few fights like here and each other's stories.

[00:21:40] We all love that.

[00:21:42] But sitting there watching it from the sidelines is really boring.

[00:21:46] You need to be in part of it for it to be interesting.

[00:21:49] So did you read this?

[00:21:49] So did you read the book?

[00:21:50] Yeah, I was going to say yeah.

[00:21:51] If he read the book and weren't visualising a pub fire,

[00:21:55] would you have enjoyed the book more?

[00:21:57] What do you think was it just?

[00:21:58] Maybe.

[00:21:59] The image that you have in your head throughout the whole day.

[00:22:01] Maybe before we do the Patreon,

[00:22:04] I will sit and read it

[00:22:05] and have the same amount of points

[00:22:07] that I think they had

[00:22:08] and see if that makes me enjoy it more.

[00:22:10] I will say there's a bit later on where he says,

[00:22:13] where someone says you were drunk that night,

[00:22:14] he says, hey, I didn't drink.

[00:22:16] I'm not a drinker.

[00:22:17] I'm a gambler.

[00:22:18] LAUGHTER

[00:22:19] LAUGHTER

[00:22:21] Yes.

[00:22:23] He does like a little dab.

[00:22:24] He does like a little dab.

[00:22:26] My son might be a communist.

[00:22:28] He is not a porn star.

[00:22:30] LAUGHTER

[00:22:32] Is that when they say he's hammered?

[00:22:33] And he's like, I can count how many times I've been hammered

[00:22:36] on my fingers.

[00:22:37] So you've been hammering at least 10 times as far as I'm talking about.

[00:22:40] It's quite a lot.

[00:22:41] Are you counting them while you're hammered?

[00:22:43] Because you know, lots of fingers like.

[00:22:45] See, I think the opposite is what happens.

[00:22:48] But I think Julian, he says to himself,

[00:22:51] he hasn't had loads of money.

[00:22:53] He doesn't expect his money very well.

[00:22:55] I think he just wants to try and get this book out

[00:22:57] and he was sponsored by lovely Clive Turner,

[00:23:00] who looks like Robert Plant,

[00:23:01] slash King Richard, the first person that he'd love in her.

[00:23:04] And then they put out a fairly and offensive,

[00:23:06] interesting book.

[00:23:07] That's my thing.

[00:23:08] I do think that Clive could have pushed it a little bit further.

[00:23:12] Like there have been a few things where you could have been like.

[00:23:14] And then at that point, our promotion efforts

[00:23:17] fell apart like a badly made house.

[00:23:20] Certainly not one made by Clive Turner,

[00:23:22] building associations.

[00:23:24] Don't call it like that.

[00:23:25] Yeah.

[00:23:26] Yeah.

[00:23:29] That is a...

[00:23:30] You don't do that.

[00:23:31] I'm breaking.

[00:23:31] No.

[00:23:32] Do you know what else I did?

[00:23:33] Just one other thing quickly, something that I enjoyed

[00:23:37] and something that I think we need to keep track of.

[00:23:39] All these mad jobs that they make young footballers do when they first start.

[00:23:44] I love reading about it in every book,

[00:23:46] like the cleaning the shoes

[00:23:48] and each one of them seems to get progressively worse.

[00:23:51] Like we should work out who had the worst time.

[00:23:54] I think Danny Hagenbotton might have had the worst time.

[00:23:57] Do you reckon?

[00:23:58] Yeah, because there was...

[00:23:58] Or rather, when he was at United,

[00:24:00] there was some horrible stories

[00:24:03] that he was just laughing off being like,

[00:24:05] oh, you know, that's just how it was in those days

[00:24:07] where they would like,

[00:24:08] would belt balls at players

[00:24:10] and like one guy blacked out because he was being hit.

[00:24:13] So it's stuff where you're like,

[00:24:14] oh, that's torture.

[00:24:15] You're like,

[00:24:15] you're a bit of a...

[00:24:16] Oh, I've got...

[00:24:16] Yeah.

[00:24:17] Main...

[00:24:17] ...Main Dennis Wies.

[00:24:18] That's probably true.

[00:24:19] Oh yeah, that's pretty.

[00:24:20] That's pretty...

[00:24:22] That's pretty bad.

[00:24:23] We've got to about that.

[00:24:24] I'm like, did Danny Hagenbotton send us a message once?

[00:24:27] Yeah, did, yeah.

[00:24:28] Yeah, there's a lot up to the live show.

[00:24:29] I was just sitting there thinking,

[00:24:30] did that happen?

[00:24:31] There's nowhere to happen.

[00:24:33] What a rollercoaster we've been on.

[00:24:36] That was pre-COVID, as well, isn't it?

[00:24:37] That was literally the game that's...

[00:24:38] That's what caused it.

[00:24:40] That caused it.

[00:24:44] Jack, something we haven't had before,

[00:24:47] any of the books I don't think is every chapter kicks off

[00:24:51] with like a little tribute from another colleague

[00:24:53] that Julian Playwith,

[00:24:54] he will like Mark Tinkler,

[00:24:56] you and Robert's John Eustace,

[00:24:58] which I really enjoyed.

[00:25:00] How about Jack?

[00:25:00] I know there was a defining characteristic

[00:25:03] that jumped out from these descriptions.

[00:25:06] I think it's very sweet,

[00:25:08] and I think that it's very well-meaning,

[00:25:10] and I appreciate it.

[00:25:12] You've got lots of people contribute,

[00:25:14] and Brian Dean,

[00:25:16] you've got...

[00:25:17] Yeah, I can't remember who I was like,

[00:25:20] Tommy Wright, I think.

[00:25:21] Lots of people have talked about him,

[00:25:22] but they all say basically the same thing,

[00:25:26] which is he is really silent.

[00:25:29] He's like, he doesn't say very much.

[00:25:31] He's quite a quiet guy.

[00:25:32] He keeps himself to himself.

[00:25:33] It does sort of make him sound like a serial killer.

[00:25:38] I don't think it's the intention,

[00:25:42] and I don't think it's necessarily...

[00:25:44] Like, it is a bad thing,

[00:25:46] but I don't think it's...

[00:25:47] I just wish again,

[00:25:48] it's that thing maybe a sub-editor could have come along

[00:25:50] and been like, maybe some of these we can make him...

[00:25:52] You know, we could take it out

[00:25:53] so it doesn't quite...

[00:25:54] Like, it doesn't come across quite so badly here.

[00:25:57] Like, you say Matthew Mann

[00:25:59] didn't do a thorough enough job.

[00:26:00] Slash the...

[00:26:00] Matthew Mann or...

[00:26:01] Matthew Turner, aka Matthew Mann.

[00:26:03] It was too busy thinking of his alternate

[00:26:07] history of Leicester City.

[00:26:09] So I think this is the first one,

[00:26:11] which is the...

[00:26:12] His ski was a thousand feet tall.

[00:26:21] This is the first one, I'm not a tie-shore who started,

[00:26:23] but it says off the pitch he is a quiet shy person

[00:26:25] who keeps himself to himself.

[00:26:26] While some of the lads were quite rowdy,

[00:26:28] Raudi, Julian was happy sitting in the dressing room

[00:26:31] lost in his own thoughts,

[00:26:32] chuckling away.

[00:26:34] Which is...

[00:26:37] Well, you say,

[00:26:38] oh, I think that sounds like the kind of...

[00:26:40] That's the sort of thing they'd say,

[00:26:42] well yes, he was always a very quiet neighbor.

[00:26:48] Which again, I don't think that's true of Julian,

[00:26:50] but I just think the impression

[00:26:51] that these little paragraphs give

[00:26:55] a sort of...

[00:26:57] is where it goes.

[00:26:58] I mean, the only thing...

[00:26:58] Yeah, there are a bit like channel five documentary

[00:27:02] about looking back at some one who had bodies in his pipes or something.

[00:27:09] We should have seen the signs.

[00:27:10] But I don't know quite Turner's pipes.

[00:27:12] Don't know who the bodies and those pipes.

[00:27:16] I always enjoy when Tatoo Jo's book so much

[00:27:17] she just makes a new book up instead.

[00:27:21] This is a weird one where Julian's a serial killer

[00:27:23] in Frank's helping to dispose of the bodies.

[00:27:25] Like a...

[00:27:26] Or Clive, Raudi.

[00:27:27] He's not Frank Turner.

[00:27:28] That's how he had to face it.

[00:27:30] Like, Frank Turner's that.

[00:27:32] Yeah, they all do...

[00:27:33] You're right, they all say three things.

[00:27:35] These very quiet, very fast and absolutely stinks.

[00:27:41] Every single one also says that's the other thing.

[00:27:44] They say like, oh, he's the silent assassin

[00:27:46] and you're like,

[00:27:46] if the first I read that, I was like,

[00:27:48] oh, that's a strange way to describe him.

[00:27:50] Sort of makes it sound like he's...

[00:27:52] He has some kind of bowel problem.

[00:27:54] He does have some kind of bowel problem.

[00:27:56] He farts all the time.

[00:27:58] He farts all the time in this.

[00:27:59] And he's proud of it.

[00:28:00] He's proud of it as well.

[00:28:01] But he doesn't say a lot.

[00:28:02] It's weird because I don't think...

[00:28:04] He doesn't talk about it very much.

[00:28:06] It's mostly other people talking about it

[00:28:07] so I don't know if he is proud of it.

[00:28:09] He's proud of it to the point

[00:28:11] that he hasn't taken out their references to it

[00:28:13] but it's like what's really weird is

[00:28:15] you're reading this book

[00:28:16] and it's sort of just a guy being like,

[00:28:18] hello, I'm a normal, normal guy.

[00:28:20] And then every 10 pages

[00:28:22] someone comes along and goes,

[00:28:23] this guy farts like crazy.

[00:28:27] And I just...

[00:28:27] Well, we'll stop farting

[00:28:29] and then you have to go back into this guy's life

[00:28:30] where he's like, hello, I'm normal.

[00:28:32] I'm a good guy.

[00:28:33] I do have to say though,

[00:28:34] like imagine either how boring you are

[00:28:38] or how bad your farts have to be

[00:28:39] for that to be within like...

[00:28:41] He's only asking people for like 250 words.

[00:28:45] Yeah, I'm farts with a big thing.

[00:28:47] Yeah, it's gonna be...

[00:28:48] Which one do you think it is?

[00:28:49] Do you think he's that boring

[00:28:50] or do you think the farts are that bad?

[00:28:52] I think he's the farts

[00:28:53] because I think football

[00:28:54] I think footballers are inherently

[00:28:56] stinky people quite a lot.

[00:28:58] Do you think?

[00:28:58] No, no, I think they smell beautiful

[00:29:00] when they're out in the town,

[00:29:01] I'm sure.

[00:29:04] I've said to put on aki-farts.

[00:29:05] They smell good.

[00:29:06] You smell, you smell Anton Ferdinand.

[00:29:08] You smell...

[00:29:08] Yeah, they smell like for that night.

[00:29:11] However, in a change of environment

[00:29:13] you know what boys are like

[00:29:14] doing their laddy pranks

[00:29:15] and farting well over each other

[00:29:17] to be the one who farts the most out of the farters.

[00:29:19] I think that suggests he's a big, big farter.

[00:29:23] There's one where they...

[00:29:24] where the description of it is like

[00:29:25] he would come into his room,

[00:29:27] he comes to the room and announce himself

[00:29:28] and it just give everyone a flavor of him

[00:29:31] and you're like,

[00:29:31] That is...

[00:29:32] Come on!

[00:29:33] That is like...

[00:29:33] Now, that sounds serial killer.

[00:29:35] That sounds like saying manable.

[00:29:36] Oh, I've got quite the flavor.

[00:29:40] Surely you won't sample a bit of my flavor.

[00:29:45] Horrible.

[00:29:47] But again, I mean,

[00:29:48] apart from that he comes across very well.

[00:29:51] Yeah, I agree.

[00:29:52] He does come across very nicely.

[00:29:56] He seems...

[00:29:57] He's very confident...

[00:29:58] No one has a word to say about him.

[00:29:59] Any point really.

[00:30:00] Well, he does.

[00:30:01] He seems...

[00:30:01] They have the smell...

[00:30:02] Yeah, probably...

[00:30:03] Pub and the stink.

[00:30:04] But people only have like two or three bellvers to say that.

[00:30:08] And he's never any trouble.

[00:30:10] He seems to work hard.

[00:30:11] The man just seems to like him.

[00:30:13] He seems to get on with his job.

[00:30:14] Yeah, I was sort of wondering about that

[00:30:16] because yes and no.

[00:30:18] Like, he sort of says like,

[00:30:19] oh, you know, I kept my head down.

[00:30:20] But he does fall out with a few managers.

[00:30:22] And I don't...

[00:30:23] Like, I think that that is the...

[00:30:24] Oh, he has a really big fall out of one.

[00:30:26] Doesn't he?

[00:30:26] Who was it?

[00:30:26] I can't remember.

[00:30:27] He has a bad fall out with...

[00:30:29] Pretty much all of them.

[00:30:30] John Gregory...

[00:30:30] John Gregory isn't awful fall out with.

[00:30:32] Where he...

[00:30:34] Basically, because John Gregory

[00:30:36] doesn't allow him to play for the grantees,

[00:30:40] I say...

[00:30:41] Vincent and the grantees.

[00:30:41] The grantees in that grantees.

[00:30:42] Yeah.

[00:30:43] He gives a quote to...

[00:30:45] Disguise sports, which is he has shat on me.

[00:30:48] Which...

[00:30:49] Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:30:52] Julian is a lot...

[00:30:53] It's such...

[00:30:54] Well, he actually says that.

[00:30:55] He says that at the moment.

[00:30:56] He's like, I'm quite a layback guy.

[00:30:58] For me to say, I shat on him.

[00:30:59] Like...

[00:31:00] I mean...

[00:31:01] I had his unprecedented...

[00:31:04] No, I didn't say fart,

[00:31:05] which is a noble act.

[00:31:09] But he...

[00:31:09] Like, it's weird because there's a weird contrast

[00:31:11] and there's a sort of weird thing

[00:31:12] in this whole book,

[00:31:13] which is kind of like the unspoken thing,

[00:31:16] which is that Julian does...

[00:31:18] Like he has a good relationship with Ryan Little.

[00:31:22] But he has a bad relationship with Mark McGee,

[00:31:24] a bad one with John Gregory,

[00:31:26] a bad one with Eric Black and at least initially

[00:31:30] and then Ian Blackwell and then Gary McCallister.

[00:31:32] So clearly,

[00:31:33] I think those clubs are also going through

[00:31:35] quite a lot of stuff.

[00:31:36] Oh, it's sort of about...

[00:31:36] Gary McCallister, I forgot about that.

[00:31:39] Well, McCallister takes a chunk of his leg out in training.

[00:31:42] He goes, sorry.

[00:31:43] And then it gets so bad,

[00:31:44] his kids like Billy has kids at school or something.

[00:31:47] It's really weird.

[00:31:48] That's really weird.

[00:31:49] Like the whole thing...

[00:31:50] I tell you back what I said, you're right.

[00:31:51] Yeah, he did fall out with a few people more than I...

[00:31:54] More than I...

[00:31:54] More than I expected.

[00:31:55] I read this book like a month ago

[00:31:56] and I have forgotten pretty much everything.

[00:31:57] You just...

[00:31:58] All you remember is farting.

[00:31:59] All you remember is farting.

[00:32:00] Quiet.

[00:32:01] Farts.

[00:32:02] And also, you're about how easy it was to read for you.

[00:32:06] Yeah, it was a delight.

[00:32:07] It was delight.

[00:32:08] It was a whistle.

[00:32:09] I whistled through about 155 pages,

[00:32:12] like a sneaky fart of...

[00:32:15] Oh, thank you, Grant.

[00:32:18] Anyone got an out of context, Julian Joachim, for me?

[00:32:21] No, because it took me so long to read it

[00:32:24] that I didn't bother separating any of the words.

[00:32:28] Fair enough.

[00:32:28] Fair enough.

[00:32:29] I like this one.

[00:32:30] Hang on.

[00:32:31] I remember the first time I heard my name chanted,

[00:32:35] Julian, Julian,

[00:32:36] while I was playing for Leicester,

[00:32:38] which gave me a real boost

[00:32:39] that chant followed me round clubs.

[00:32:42] The chant Julian.

[00:32:46] People saying Julian follows round clubs.

[00:32:48] I was very sure you were going to say

[00:32:49] where for art thou Julian?

[00:32:51] No, after the second one.

[00:32:55] Jimmy Baujan?

[00:32:57] Yeah, I was just thinking it would have been

[00:32:58] sweet if he had the older chant.

[00:33:01] Oh, Jockey fart pants.

[00:33:03] That's brilliant.

[00:33:05] Oh yeah, because Jockeys is other nickname, isn't it?

[00:33:07] Yeah, yeah, because of his...

[00:33:08] What is it?

[00:33:09] His small stature and his...

[00:33:10] I can't remember.

[00:33:11] What?

[00:33:12] Love a horses?

[00:33:12] Love a horses?

[00:33:13] Love a horses?

[00:33:14] I don't know if Jockeys...

[00:33:15] By actually think it is because of his love of horses.

[00:33:17] Yeah.

[00:33:18] James, have you got an out of context?

[00:33:20] Yeah, we were well on our way to victory

[00:33:23] when they got third equalizer through

[00:33:24] a dodgy referring decision.

[00:33:26] I think he means referring.

[00:33:28] Didn't shape that.

[00:33:29] Just left it.

[00:33:31] I noticed he said it's zapped my energy at some point

[00:33:34] as opposed to sapped as well.

[00:33:35] Oh, that's quite quite like that.

[00:33:37] Let me do.

[00:33:38] That sound good.

[00:33:38] Yeah.

[00:33:39] I have a quit one which was,

[00:33:40] you have to be fast to catch chickens

[00:33:42] and that might be where I got my pace from.

[00:33:45] That's my fault.

[00:33:46] I will give you no explanation of that.

[00:33:49] Time now for a break but when we return

[00:33:50] we'll be heading to Steve Walsh's Chinese restaurant.

[00:33:53] Bloody hell.

[00:33:59] Hello, James here.

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[00:37:59] welcome back to football club where we are still reading

[00:38:02] julie and joeukims you must be joeukim wearing thin yet

[00:38:08] oh you mean the concept of the podcast yeah yeah yeah

[00:38:11] that was a long time ago so i wanted to bring us something so we've kind of

[00:38:16] impassive mentioned his career at lester and uh villa you know we've mainly

[00:38:21] mentioned uh uh clive turner so far i've bought the book cut

[00:38:26] but um something else i wanted to bring up kind of tangential to that

[00:38:31] is julie and business ventures because we get a sense of this occasionally

[00:38:36] in books that we read because football is obviously don't have you know they've got a lot of money

[00:38:41] and they have a lot of people coming to them with opportunities throughout this and julie

[00:38:47] is quite honest uh in the book and says he didn't invest particularly well um you know the first two

[00:38:53] ones to mention just uh quick ones uh one was he vetted a race horse uh who always had nose bleeds

[00:39:00] that's a ritmire yeah that was one that was a very good set this boss was the

[00:39:08] blood dripping down his nose yeah we'll take that one i'll take that one

[00:39:13] uh and then i'm just so excited to be here i'm so sorry

[00:39:22] and then he was so invested in the film industry

[00:39:26] just generally the film film that was such a weird thing where he's like the government told me to

[00:39:31] invest in some film industry and and apart i went south

[00:39:35] i couldn't figure out what that meant either back in the naughty's everyone was investing

[00:39:43] in the film industry i couldn't tell you what's going on it's like tanked it what do you

[00:39:48] reckon it was girl girl too girl it's very vague isn't it that bit

[00:39:53] it's just like the text mom was just chasing me like yes later for a six figure

[00:39:58] sum it's like what did you do yeah what's that happened

[00:40:05] it is so weird that bit that really happened i have no idea um but the worst investment of the lot

[00:40:14] is this week's dramatic reading so as i find the page could somebody please

[00:40:18] cue the dramatic music should we cue it in the style of this book yeah okay yeah sure sure

[00:40:24] like that cue dramatic music thank you very much

[00:40:31] thank you very much ebberna this uh dramatic reading is called julien joeakim becomes a restaurant

[00:40:37] oh it was during the 1998 and 99 season when i got involved in a chinese restaurant in laster

[00:40:46] i look on friendly so i just love i love the way that starts as if there are people being like

[00:40:50] oh brillette he's talking about it yes yeah i also this is like after just talking about the

[00:40:56] season with us and put there's nothing else um he's not even at laster at this point and there's

[00:41:00] nothing like leading up into this it comes out of nowhere um i become friendly with a chinese bloke

[00:41:05] that's found a vacant restaurant on new walk in the city center you asked me if i wanted to

[00:41:09] invest in them i thought why not well i was going to invest in the in the film industry

[00:41:17] but now you come to me with this i'm teasing off it it's been shut down for six months and the building

[00:41:27] was up for these so i bought in with him everything about this is like red flag red flag red flag

[00:41:32] we called it happy values he ran the day today it named after the BBC series he ran the day to day

[00:41:38] operations and i put the money in i go there three or four times a week to eat show my face and

[00:41:43] talk to the customers a chinese restaurant the premier Lee footballer doesn't sound at the best

[00:41:46] combination luckily i've always known to eat anything i want and not put weight on again to slag

[00:41:50] enough the food slagging up the thing i'll get any on shit that's why he's fighting so much

[00:41:57] yeah four times a week did you enjoy that flavor oh well if you did come down too happy values

[00:42:04] a few things went wrong though surprise surprise and my mate had to sell up so i can't i

[00:42:13] here's and you've got nameless chinese that's suspicious it's very suspicious um

[00:42:19] so i contacted my old teammate Steve Walsh to board his share of course if you know

[00:42:24] if you're gonna invest in chinese restaurant you go to Steve Walsh yeah

[00:42:28] yes you go to you're robust to ask if what's happening to your son when he's ill

[00:42:32] you go to Steve Walsh good reference yeah it's so weird though why is he like

[00:42:39] uh could just like i think i would have i would have jumped out of that point surely wouldn't you

[00:42:44] yeah i wonder what i don't think i'd have started this this venture to be honest but

[00:42:48] well seeing you the reasoning bases it on is the next item we formed a good striped partnership

[00:42:52] and thought we could become successful business partners too

[00:42:55] so it works you know i'm still you know we've learned i think that's the other way around like um

[00:43:02] like Alan Alan shiver and there's a apprentice like john don't wait up front for

[00:43:08] to suppose

[00:43:13] um yeah we renamed the restaurant Walsh's

[00:43:18] and thanks start off well we're really busy making a couple of quick bid in last long

[00:43:24] like two things um first of all why is Steve Walsh got his whole name in this thing and not

[00:43:29] Judith Joachim hasn't got anything in the title what it was and secondly would you ever go to a

[00:43:34] chinese restaurant called Walsh's Walsh's

[00:43:37] i don't think that's anything well she's chinese

[00:43:43] i'm going to have to Walsh's for a show i feel ill i agree

[00:43:50] they remind you there's one in Cheltson and a bus station where it was like

[00:43:52] forquid to go in for a buffet or whatever in that kind of place and yeah yeah

[00:43:57] you're just not sure you're not sure you're not sure about it from your league footballer

[00:44:00] so probably these are the sorts of places that like i'm just gonna let you in the mind of teenage

[00:44:06] girls and the naughtys we used to go into these places and the hope that we get like a little bit of

[00:44:10] food poisoning so we could fit into a dress on saturday night oh no oh no sash a hater

[00:44:18] just a little bit just a little bit actually for julie and joachim he has just got

[00:44:22] so Walsh sounds like that i that sort of place i am it's almost totally sure i mean kind of

[00:44:28] get super bored she doesn't exist anymore so yeah i think you can get the food poisoning of your dreams

[00:44:35] yeah it it it did fairly badly anyway the rest of the night as you might not be so surprised to hear

[00:44:41] it was like he was ruined basically but what except for one night i think and i've done a bit

[00:44:50] reading between the lines here as well because in i noticed in john usus's tribute at the beginning

[00:44:55] of the coventry chapter yeah um he said he was well liked among the squad and did jett this is

[00:45:00] about julian as though he's died it sounds it was well liked among the squad and de generous things

[00:45:05] for us all the time rity he was well liked among the squad and de jett is thanks for all the time

[00:45:09] he took a group of us to lester once telling us there's a lovely chinese restaurant that

[00:45:14] this is so embarrassing it's so embarrassing oh i know a good little place it's called

[00:45:19] the name Walshies why is it called Walsh? it's very authentic very authentic seshwan cuisine

[00:45:25] it's it's weird it's called Walshies and you used to play with a play called Walsh isn't it?

[00:45:29] yeah it's weird let me let me strangle you of course anyway anyway really really fill your boots

[00:45:34] guys eat as much as you want tell all your friends but i do think that he i think he's i hope he's

[00:45:40] quite an earnest guy you know so it feels like it's the type of thing like you know there's also

[00:45:44] you know he seems like the kind of guy who i say seems like he says it in the book like he

[00:45:48] he sends his kids to private school and he like makes a real point of like giving as much money

[00:45:53] as he possibly can to all of his kids and like really like he's just spoiling them at one point

[00:45:58] like going to the spit re says we went it was great to go to disney lamb and see the kids and they got

[00:46:02] to meet all their favorite characters which again makes him sound like a serial killer but you know

[00:46:08] like he he clearly he clearly wants to give and he wants people to have a nice time it's just that

[00:46:13] you are also like i think it's also that thing where you you know that his career didn't last

[00:46:19] as long as it could have or that you know of money and all the rest of it so you want to

[00:46:23] like while you're reading that you're sort of like save some save some and

[00:46:27] and it's a bit like it's a bit like the start of an ITV drama when like this would happen

[00:46:32] and then he'd turn into some sort of drug dealer like rake him bad version of like

[00:46:37] yeah this and someone would be like going like you sure you want to spend all this money

[00:46:40] like it's only money okay it's only money and then he accidentally falls in and maybe

[00:46:45] maybe this is just the start of a real like really interesting saga oh Gary Olshon julienjokin cook

[00:46:50] in mess in a what's she's meth lab

[00:46:58] less guys i know a really great meth lab in this stuff

[00:47:02] really yeah let's all go but the way boys your money is no good here

[00:47:10] why is this chop so you blue don't worry about it

[00:47:13] and after his fail business ventures and his timer lester villa and coventry

[00:47:26] things kind of wind down a bit james that right yeah wait firstly before I move on from that

[00:47:31] i just want to know a little bit more about that random chinese man because there's no

[00:47:36] there's no mention whether this man has any knowledge of how to run a chinese restaurant

[00:47:40] that's true yeah he's just a chinese guy makes an assumption yeah one of the chinese restaurant

[00:47:45] it's and there's no further explanation it's crazy um yeah towards it so he's he's up

[00:47:52] Boston where's he out before Boston uh elite so he goes to Boston is and he's somewhere else as well

[00:47:59] he's a wolf also so there's a wolf so on loan yeah and his career sort of

[00:48:04] peat running out a little bit isn't it um he goes he's at Boston doing quite well which is

[00:48:09] where he started i think isn't it he's born in Boston yeah so he's from there yeah and you had

[00:48:15] links yeah yeah and they're getting to financial troubles for some to dial in turn um and he says

[00:48:21] that alloy it was gonna be a big upheaval he couldn't turn down the i think it's four grand

[00:48:25] a week they were offering him that stage of his career um probably because he's still paying

[00:48:29] off a 45-care lease for an empty chinese restaurant which is of course the film industry tax

[00:48:35] man chase him as well he could use that chinese restaurant as a set so everything but the weirdest

[00:48:45] bit about this section is this book was published in 2021 right was it 2021 no 223

[00:48:51] 223 so even more recently and there's no mention of the 16 clubs he played for after kingslyn

[00:48:58] it's like an exceptional point which i noticed only when i was putting together the fat far

[00:49:03] for the beginning man yeah yeah i didn't look at him like i like i have to do yeah and 16

[00:49:08] and what's the level a very much non-league pretty bad it's all sort of around like Leicestershire

[00:49:15] sort of Lincolnshire area or like Darbyshire that's mad playing for all different clubs are on there

[00:49:20] also it's mislidant says he plays with Montpellier and i was like what but i don't think it's that one

[00:49:24] it's just yeah every period in leek one up there this guy playing really off a corn

[00:49:32] in New Yorkshire yeah where get is uh Wikipedia it's crazy though that's mad but what's weird

[00:49:38] what's weird about it is that he sort of says in 2008 he's like okay yeah they I moved to king's

[00:49:43] lane and then he says and then i realized i was no longer a professional football player so i

[00:49:47] decided yes exactly that's the thing that's it that's it's the way it's in the end is on the word

[00:49:51] professional oh sure the fact that he's not like you know we've read um was it who was it

[00:49:57] Neil red phones book where he talks about oh yeah for a thousand teams or yes that's very true

[00:50:04] in 2008 2009 he's playing for Kingsland he leaves Kingsland in place for thermosentown

[00:50:09] quan hinkly united whole beach united boston united coreville town whole beach united again

[00:50:14] would be town chef shed dynamo whole well sports huge town Montpellier not that one

[00:50:20] right cliff Olympic oslo con as austin europe a point i think they're in jibralta

[00:50:27] and born town he plays on more than a hundred more games he's just amazing that sounds like by the way

[00:50:35] that happened to like 2017 as well i think was i right yeah that list sounds like a regional

[00:50:40] um railway in uh yeah agreed yeah it's like he's got to that bit of the book kingsland and he was like

[00:50:48] do you know what i it's a pain on the ass writing this book i still have to go back and separate

[00:50:53] the hundreds of words of merge together i think i just leave it here and just skip to retirement

[00:50:57] that's why it sounds like it's at that point yeah all right in in tashes analogy uh he just

[00:51:02] he at that point he'd had one too many and just couldn't just can be bothered yeah just couldn't

[00:51:08] write yeah just collapsed yeah he's like he only woke up his books in bubbly yeah

[00:51:14] yeah i played for Montpellier you know i'm not i'm not putting that in it would have been nice to hear

[00:51:20] more about that that side of his uh that back i agree so we don't get enough of that to kind of

[00:51:25] journeyman yeah like well that's random clubs way outside but then he had to declare himself bankrupt

[00:51:32] around 40 when he was about 40 i think yeah cello as memorabilia which is really sad there's a

[00:51:38] really sad library says i was sad to see it go but i've still got the memories and no one can

[00:51:42] take that away from me oh that's sad it's really sad but then he sort of ends with a philosophical

[00:51:49] speech about how fortunate his career has been yeah kind of ruins it oh he says it's really nice

[00:51:56] passage and at the end well actually you were going to talk about this last line what you

[00:52:00] i thought it was a really good last line actually only only with the context of something from

[00:52:04] the episode from the book so yeah read the line james sorry read the line in the name for sense

[00:52:08] after all i could have spent the last 30 years in a field picking brussel sprouts are catching

[00:52:12] chickens for a living or at the end i don't think that's a job is it

[00:52:20] what's he thinking of bad day roost capture yeah he has it does sound very roald doll kind of

[00:52:27] create actually i have in my notes why does this sound like a roald doll it does it does it's like

[00:52:34] if roald doll was a career advisor yeah you can be a brussel sprout picker or chicken catcher

[00:52:42] he has like like yeah becoming a fox is one of his chapter titles like they do sound very

[00:52:48] doll doll also i was really about the spawning because did you know he was six foot six

[00:52:55] roll doll he's not a roald doll so i think he enjoyed his fun yeah

[00:53:00] yeah roald doll was almost as tall as peak crouch it's mental really yeah six six we had a great

[00:53:06] touch he was shit at the robot yeah but say he did those jobs as a kid training basically right

[00:53:18] the brussel sprouts and the chicken thing oh did he oh did you gently miss this this way i missed

[00:53:25] that that's why i miss it i was like what is he on i can see you i know he's making up a fake job

[00:53:31] and shit he went to work for his uncle Charlie yeah remember that bit yeah that was um

[00:53:38] yeah you made like this this has been uh you know extremely depressing episode

[00:53:46] the book actually i think it's because we're at the end of it now i think it's quite light-hearted

[00:53:50] most of it really it's quite yeah me too it's quite a nice journey through his career but

[00:53:54] we've somehow managed to make him come across as an insolvent no i actually don't pick it i kind of

[00:54:02] like that he's telling this story because like the only ones that we ever hear are the people that

[00:54:08] become massive successes because they're the people that write books it's quite interesting to hear

[00:54:12] someone that you know it has gone on to do other things and like didn't reach those heights or even

[00:54:19] they're people who had a relative amount of success but then sort of look back and go like yeah

[00:54:24] but like you know it was all it was all roses really or it was all really good yeah he's quite open

[00:54:29] about like you know the books he made with the gamble yeah yeah which is which is and then also to be

[00:54:34] able to at the end of it go like you know what it was pretty amazing that i got to play football

[00:54:38] yeah and i barely remember any of it apparently yes it'll be like i looked up a goal recently

[00:54:45] and he was like how do you that anyway you're like that goal is incredible he talks about when you

[00:54:49] go on the keep ready and he got it in from an incredibly tight angle it is a brilliant goal

[00:54:54] i saw it weirdly because you know phones know everything about i said i think he kept popping up my

[00:54:59] Instagram after soon after i read this book but i think it was a coincidence and i think i liked

[00:55:04] it was only once they kept going but yeah it is an incredible goal can't be who it's against but

[00:55:08] it's a brilliant finish oh look it up no i won't there we go um did it change you did it make you

[00:55:17] less likely to download a book that i've given you the download link too it makes me trust James

[00:55:24] Alters that i sent you the quality control that James did it really makes me doubt that because

[00:55:30] i would have sent you all the book had he told me it was a disaster to read but because James

[00:55:35] doesn't know that i was kind of like it was more like you could read it and if you read too much

[00:55:40] at once you'd feel like you have an aneurysm but yeah in little little spells it was all right yeah

[00:55:47] it actually kept me engaged yeah yeah kept me engaged because i had to pay full attention at all

[00:55:54] times because it's worse when you for you guys who've got the Kindle version you know when you search

[00:55:58] a word yes that was the problem it's worse it's worse then have you seen like it merges all let me just

[00:56:04] redo an example no yeah the search function is so if i search wall she and i was real sentence to you

[00:56:12] okay wall she was the skip errands a pro oral ador he costumers he did what pohaba much

[00:56:19] risk from his teammates like it's literally gibberish when you search

[00:56:27] which is quite fun and that's them talking about the menu at the restaurant

[00:56:30] so i think one thing julien definitely should go back and is reformat this book

[00:56:39] they may be willing to join this book a lot more if it's read what because i enjoyed it i had the

[00:56:43] actual physical copy which is like gold dust and quite expensive but yeah julien put in that advert

[00:56:51] later on if it was midway i'd have been more accepting of it but starting with the adverts put me

[00:56:57] on the back for a media day way would have been bonkers like a little like a little

[00:57:01] like a little ad date 15 minutes in yeah like it like it like it ain't like i was moving on to ask

[00:57:07] them villa this section of the book is sponsored by clicker no i like gramma gramma li is a

[00:57:15] 50% off square space yeah exactly i am this picture at the beginning of julien

[00:57:24] george him shaking clive turner's hand outside his van with clive doing very like giant glot

[00:57:31] sunglasses we didn't mention either as well real like elton john kahn sunglass that sold the book to

[00:57:35] me straight away i knew i was saying we've definitely fallen into the trap which is talking

[00:57:40] mostly about clive turner in this which is exactly what he wanted exactly what he wanted to see

[00:57:45] i told you this is spun con and he knows what he's doing fair enough it's a spun con right now ten

[00:57:51] oh really hard one at eight no no no no did i say eight so i definitely didn't say eight do you

[00:58:00] say eight or eight like a dying fun say

[00:58:05] hey i'm gonna say a a begrudge oh no uh a reluctant for okay for yeah because it just it was

[00:58:23] also quite an annoying book to read so i why enjoyed it i did quite a good oh i still you

[00:58:28] mean reluctant you reluctant not to bump out of four yeah i'm not going down to four as you

[00:58:32] know i just the kerning thing it's also there are bits where i'm like i don't think he knows exactly

[00:58:36] what the narrative of this book is so okay that is i would i would agree with that but just for the

[00:58:40] sheer fun and because he seems like a good lad on getting them seven julium cuz i can read the book

[00:58:46] i flew through it i read it on a train and i enjoyed it

[00:58:51] what he's doing so well in his life the train was good so much and physical

[00:58:55] train with books i know we're sitting here in our hovels reading squinting at the Kindle version

[00:59:03] i have to say i i do have this book to thank for me meeting all of my new neighbors because

[00:59:10] it was on my Kindle and i didn't know where the charger was so i had to go knock on the doors

[00:59:15] of all of them so and someone did have a Kindle i need to read julian joa please

[00:59:22] i did not explain why you're reading that book you must be julian

[00:59:28] but then they do all think i'm a bit like it was the day that i moved in and i'm like please

[00:59:32] don't have a Kindle charger so then we're going to think i'm a total widow however

[00:59:38] it did change my life which is the question that you asked oh there yeah i'm gonna say six

[00:59:45] wow it changed my mind i was a relic i was driven out so i wanted one of the people that i asked

[00:59:51] i took the dog with me because you know it makes things easier one of the people was like oh i've always

[00:59:55] wanted one of them do you want me to babysit him and now she's gonna look after him whenever i want so

[01:00:00] yeah god i got so that is good i thought you men i've always wanted one of them being julian joking

[01:00:07] why would you not have babysitted a book

[01:00:14] Jimmy Bauer what he said do you know that he is now the advisor at

[01:00:20] euro per point in the jibalta jibralta national league i did not just wanted to let you know

[01:00:26] earth seven seven okay yeah i was i was hoping you're gonna give me a salsa fact again

[01:00:33] yes another salsa i do have more of those but i want to say we're safe one for the bonus

[01:00:38] chapter james's salsa facts yeah salsa death fact is what yeah so what was it seven seven six four

[01:00:48] right 14 24 by four oh seven oh bloody no that can't be right wait six six six six six six six six six six six six six six

[01:00:56] six james bad maths by me um good not bad fine this week i'm gonna clear that's how james

[01:01:07] single broadcast by the way he hangs up and then goes good not bad fine

[01:01:20] this week on the quiz you are named after services offered by book sponsor clive turner

[01:01:25] james your new roofs uh dash your ventilation systems james your uh

[01:01:31] james james your new upvc gutters and fascia's et cetera

[01:01:42] let me write that down yeah uh that's new upvc gutters and fascia's

[01:01:50] is that what you say that words fascia so yeah i think it is i've never i've never heard it out

[01:01:56] i don't think i've only ever been it i am the same and i went on google today and the pronunciation

[01:02:02] feature so i'm pretty sure it's happening right but i think you're like a Nokia 33 yeah you know

[01:02:07] local fascia's yeah yeah fake fascia what comes after fascia anything et cetera

[01:02:15] you you're right you uh clive clive turners number is in the book if you want to ring them and ask him

[01:02:20] you can go oh is it fascia saying this right clive yeah um jack you are new roofs new roofs okay i think

[01:02:29] we're new roofs can we can we ring him during bonus chapter we cannot

[01:02:35] number one julie's nickname is jockey but in the early days what was the other nickname one paper

[01:02:41] gave to him oh god hmm half my questions are about nicknames by the way oh god

[01:02:48] but fart pants close oh give you a clue uh there's a Brazilian footballer in there

[01:02:58] oh hang on new rules new roofs sorry i got to read deeper what can the change in one part

[01:03:07] two is it little or a mario yeah yes that one is correct very good very good jb well done

[01:03:17] i say jb that could be anyone thank you i got new roofs i've got them

[01:03:24] two what was the other nickname my boss nitch gave him ventilation systems yeah i mean that nearly works

[01:03:33] is this jockey for pants correct yes good no chance of fresh go that's correct

[01:03:41] um number three what trick would do i york do to win bets oh um uh my name new rules new roofs

[01:03:50] funny yes he would write this down because he said he would stand a bin and say bet you i can't

[01:04:00] bet you i can do 100 kp upies that people who walked by be here be in a bin in the dressing room

[01:04:05] yep exactly yeah to get here to be in a bin but you 50 quid he could stay in the bin and do

[01:04:10] 100 head ups i think is what you do well so it was because it was because the line was i

[01:04:15] loved white york he just oozed confidence he usually get into a bin

[01:04:25] finally what happened at also if you lost six no at table tennis oh no i know this new roofs

[01:04:33] you have to walk you had to run around the um the change room naked

[01:04:37] yeah yes okay that's correct training bitch naked is correct and uh that is it new roofs

[01:04:45] you win very good can i can i push the score up or down oh god i forgot about that feature

[01:04:52] yeah sure which way down point five by the way we're not getting down point five oh go to five five

[01:04:57] when did this new feature james chats it last time he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he

[01:05:02] giving power um jack you know what you won? guess goss

[01:05:12] yeah um we have recorded the month some u b vc good to and fashier so

[01:05:20] i just wanted to see it uh you got kids on love that there you go and you've got an extra long one

[01:05:26] as well this week. The ones we all enjoy. To the tune of Only You by Yizu. Bloody hell.

[01:05:37] Have you warmed up for this? Yeah, I try and do my best.

[01:05:43] As the fool comes down from above it's like a story of love. Can you see him pushing his way into

[01:05:53] the fray defenders left in his wake? The go goes in. All he needs are the long bulls we play.

[01:06:06] He's all we need to win another game. He's all we ever knew.

[01:06:13] John Keru.

[01:06:21] Perfect.

[01:06:24] Can's on.

[01:06:27] Thank you once again.

[01:06:28] Very well as well.

[01:06:29] It was perfect.

[01:06:30] Really, really.

[01:06:31] Thank you very much. I felt like I had a lot to live up to with there.

[01:06:34] It's going to be very hard to edit together.

[01:06:35] I'll be time to practice him through.

[01:06:40] I actually do once today. That's a good question, actually. Just a little insight.

[01:06:45] I've practiced it once because I forgot how the beginning of the song goes.

[01:06:48] So I did press it once.

[01:06:49] Yeah, it needs a lot of pacing that song doesn't it?

[01:06:52] Yes, it does.

[01:06:53] It's a really good song.

[01:06:54] How about that?

[01:06:54] It has a really good song.

[01:06:55] We can all agree on that.

[01:06:57] That is it for this week's episode.

[01:07:00] We're back in the fortnight.

[01:07:01] If you can't watch Giggly episode.

[01:07:04] If you can't wait that long during the Book Club Club on Patreon.

[01:07:08] Book Club members of the club get a brand new exclusive bonus chapter episode every other week.

[01:07:11] They'll be chatting even more about the book.

[01:07:13] It's £3.50 to join.

[01:07:14] Please do or just support us for £1 measly.

[01:07:18] Head to patreon.com forward slash football club.

[01:07:21] In the meantime, do get in touch with this app footy book club on Twitter, Instagram,

[01:07:25] app football book club.

[01:07:26] Since you've thought of all the footballer puns,

[01:07:28] you can song requests,

[01:07:29] any suggestions for new businesses that June and Josh should have said it.

[01:07:35] I just wanted to do something, guys.

[01:07:36] I wanted to give a shout out to a podcast that we like.

[01:07:40] Tom Crowley.

[01:07:40] It's a Clive Davis.

[01:07:42] It's Clive Davis.

[01:07:43] It's not Clive Turner.

[01:07:44] Clive Turner.

[01:07:45] Clive Turner.

[01:07:46] It's called a Clive Turner's perfect Rooms.

[01:07:51] Every once in a while, you get stuck to that.

[01:07:54] To listen to me for a few moves.

[01:07:57] Sometimes it's a bit cladding.

[01:08:00] No, it's going to talk about Crowley time with Tom Crowley.

[01:08:03] It's very good.

[01:08:04] I know Jackie like it.

[01:08:05] We've moved quite a lot on the show and have had that for it.

[01:08:09] Tom's a very funny guy, so we really recommend this.

[01:08:11] Anyone else who has any podcasts?

[01:08:13] They would like to recommend?

[01:08:14] No.

[01:08:17] Jack, are you on a podcast?

[01:08:19] I am on a podcast.

[01:08:20] Yeah, you know, Taskmaster.

[01:08:22] Yeah.

[01:08:22] That little thing.

[01:08:24] That Taskmaster.

[01:08:25] People's podcast.

[01:08:26] Listen to me please.

[01:08:27] Go on.

[01:08:28] Isn't your story starting soon?

[01:08:29] Coming out in two weeks time.

[01:08:31] There'll be a new series of past Taskmaster.

[01:08:33] We'll talk about it.

[01:08:34] But also Crowley time.

[01:08:36] Go listen to that because it's fantastic.

[01:08:37] Yes.

[01:08:38] And also another one we feature a bit.

[01:08:40] Exennial Dome as well.

[01:08:41] Oh, it is good as well.

[01:08:43] Actually, we have a lot of podcasts.

[01:08:45] There we go.

[01:08:45] So big shout out to those two.

[01:08:47] Crowley time with him, Tom Crowley

[01:08:51] or with me, Tom Crowley and the Exennial Dome.

[01:08:53] Go listen to that.

[01:08:55] We'll be back with a bit of a different episode in the fortnight.

[01:08:58] The first ever for the book club on tour.

[01:09:01] As we head to Rome with nothing but a tour guide

[01:09:03] we're in by a very famous footballer.

[01:09:04] So look forward to that.

[01:09:06] Do you have anyone over there?

[01:09:08] Anyone who's telling?

[01:09:10] That's a way of CJ.

[01:09:11] I'll be cool.

[01:09:12] That is a good question.

[01:09:13] I have to wait and see.

[01:09:19] Very good.

[01:09:20] Actually, no last words.

[01:09:22] Let's end on that.

[01:09:24] Be sure you don't end on a good not bad.

[01:09:26] Fine.

[01:09:27] You're going to be joking.

[01:09:41] Thanks for listening to Football Book Club.

[01:09:44] It featured James Bug, Jack Bernhardt, Natasha Frisco

[01:09:47] and James Bougain.

[01:09:49] It was produced and created by James Bug.

[01:09:51] Thanks to Julian for writing the book.

[01:09:53] The music is the work of Silent Partner

[01:09:55] and is using the Creative Commons 4.0 license.

[01:09:58] See you in a fortnight for Football Book Club on tour.

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